Let the good times roll

Man, folks I can't make this stuff up...in the last 72 hours we've had a fire, a baptism, an ER visit and some really, really good BBQ.  Details at 10 :-)

For real, I'll get a humdinger of a few posts up this week.  Happy reading!

It's a Wonderful Life

Really, it is.  I think back to what a crazy, insane, emotional, wonderful, difficult year it's been and I can't believe Christmas is right around the corner.

A few weeks ago (yes weeks) we went to the mall before all the icky, germy, nasty droves of kids (because mine are sanitized, clean and wonderful) sat on Santa's lap.  I must say, highly recommended.  No line.  Kids had plenty of time to chat with the big fella and there were no tears.  Actually, scratch that.  Clare did start to tear up, but with the sweet urging of the other siblings, she participated in "the picture."  Reason #96 big families are a blessing :-)  I did chuckle when the lady gave us the photo...um, little less tree, little more Luke, maybe?  Oh well.  They're all smiling.  Wrap it up.  I suppose it's less about the photo and more about the experience.

Happy Thanksgiving!

(the kids turkey day craft - thank you Parents magazine for making me feel all Martha Stewart)

So much to be thankful for this year.  And as our priest so eloquently reminded us at Mass this morning, every day is Thanksgiving.  I'm reminded of Romans 5:3-5

Not only that, but we even boast of our afflictions, knowing that affliction produces endurance, and endurance, proven character, and proven character, hope, and hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out into our hearts through the holy Spirit that has been given to us.

I didn't forget your top ten yesterday, yesterday just got away from me.  Rather than be chatty today, I'll just share my top ten photos from today's feast with family.  I have to say, before I show off the photos, that Thanksgiving is one of my favorite holidays...it's all about family.  No gifts.  No hustle and bustle.  Just family time.  Funny stories.  Naps.  And watching the Ags try to beat the sips...sometimes they run out of time and sometimes they don't :-)

ALG giving Luke good mornin' kisses

Luke, showing off his new trick, smiling

Daniel and his buddy 'steam'

One very, very happy Mom

One very, very silly Mom

The Aunt and Uncle get last minute training before Baby Farnum arrives - 2 weeks and counting!!

The cranberries.  For the love of cranberries.  Does every family make this such a big deal?  The boys in our family are obsessed.  They must be jellied, not whole, cold, not hot and sliced just so.

The kids' table!  Wish I still fit at one.

Awww.

And, with that, we call 'er a wrap.  Advent begins this weekend.  Yippee!!  The cards have been mailed (yes, I managed to get them done) and we go get the family tree tomorrow.  The most wonderful time of the year is upon us...let it begin.

Speechless

Hard to believe if you know me well...but that's how I've felt all day.

Speechless #1:  doctor's visit with Luke
Luke is a healthy and happy 6lb. 8oz.  Yes, he's almost doubled his birth weight!  And, he gained 16oz in 13 days.  To quote Dr. Enders, 'what an over achiever'.  Love it.  And, I was speechless about his amazing progress.

Speechless #2:  fall in the parking lot
Yes, on my way to doctor visit #2, I completely bit it in the parking lot...with Luke in my arms.  Thankfully, he was safely buckled in the car seat and my knees took the brunt of the fall.  He screamed and I cried.  For a split second, just a few moments before I fell, I almost turned back to the van to take him out of the car seat and put him in the sling.  And then I didn't.  Can you imagine?  I did and it left me speechless.

Speechless #3:  we had to change Luke's ostomy bag THREE times in less than 2 hours.
Not good odds.  I was all set to make today's post a rant about how much I h-a-t-e changing his bag (the contraption we have on his belly that collects his poop until his colon is reconnected to his small intestine).  Then, I had speechless event #5.

Speechless #4:  John Paul punched Clare in the face
Sigh.  Speechless.

Speechless #5:  Some friends, also in the NICU, sent their precious daughter, Catherine, to heaven this afternoon
Kinda makes changing that bag seem pretty inconsequential now.  Speechless.

Why does one baby leave the NICU in his mother's arms and another head straight to Jesus'?  Why does one set of siblings spend the entire day helping mom 'take care' of the new baby while another set spends the day watching mom and dad make funeral arrangements?  Why?

Damned if I know.

If your house isn't clean and you have company coming over for Thanksgiving and you're stressed out...don't be.  Just spray some Lysol and Clorox wipe the toilets.

If your kids are fighting and you want to scream...don't.  Just say a Hail Mary and walk outside.

If you haven't packed for that trip you're taking tomorrow and your list of 'to-dos' is a mile long and you want to scream, take a timeout.  Anything you forget can be bought at Wal-Mart.

If you're 9 months pregnant, feeling tired and don't feel like you can take one more day...be thankful you have a healthy baby growing inside while God prepares the perfect due date.  Today, a woman will long to be in your shoes.

If you're a post-partum, post-NICU graduate Mom who has high expectations - for everything in life - cut yourself some slack.  Enjoy your kids and let the rest go.

Ahem.  Yes, I have been each and every one of those.  Been there.  Done that.

Just yesterday Scott sent me the name of a counselor to call so we could explore professional counseling to process this whole NICU/special needs thing.  I was feeling so confident that I didn't even read the email.  Then today happened.  Not doing quite as well as I thought.

As you gather around your Thanksgiving table on Thursday, give thanks for all things in life.  The good and the bad.  Stay tuned for tomorrow's Top Ten and offer up a prayer for the Simmons family tonight, please.  They need your prayers of strength...

Tough Love

Sometimes I'm good cop, and sometimes I'm not.  I was the 'not' last night.

Typically, we do laundry on Sunday or Monday and it takes forever...we're up to like 12 loads a week around here now that Luke has made his entrance.  So, when an item is missed it has to wait another week.  Tuck that little bit 'o information in your cap.

I asked the boys to bring down their laundry and they had a blast throwing it off the two-story balcony down to the living room floor.  Evidently, too much fun.

As I was making my way up the stairs, with just two loads left (whites and towels), I let out a screech and a "William Nicholas and John Paul Harris".  Yep, full names.  Not happy.  The boys had left an entire basketful of clothes still dirty, in their room.  How in heavens name that happened I don't know.  Even more perplexing and frustrating is that they wore all those stinkin' clothes in ONE WEEK!  Oh, and for added bonus, some pee-soaked underwear were tucked in the bottom of the basket.

Oy.

So, I promptly piled up the dirty clothes in the middle of the room and told them those would be their clothes for the next week - socks, underwear, uniforms, you got it.  Yup.  Momma ain't doing laundry for those two until they re-wear those clothes.  Boys.

Luke Update: November 20, 2009

What a Friday!  Luke did remarkably well this morning and I attribute that to my stellar parenting :-)  Actually, I had little to do with it.  I'm gonna have to give credit to you people.  Thanks a mil.

We arrived at the hospital at 7:30, and the MRI began around 9:15, about 15 minutes late.  In my book, not too bad for a busy Friday morning.  It was a zoo up there.

A newfound friend and fellow NICU graduate x2, Kelli, sat with me this morning.  We met by way of some pretty crazy circumstances which I like to call providence.  K - I can't thank you enough for coming up to sit with me while I waited.  Those two hours flew by and I was so inspired to keep plugging along on the roller coaster.  Danke.

Luke has been pretty out of it today.  Alert, but slightly cranky.  Raspy voice (they had to put a tube down his throat because he was sedated during the procedure) and not great at nursing.  We'll get back at it tomorrow.  He did, however, steal the hearts of all who met him today.  The prom dates are already lining up for 2025.

By all accounts, we are cautiously optimistic.  The initial "unofficial" results look promising.  But, we won't have the full report until December 7 when we meet with the neurosurgeon.  All I know is that we have a freakin' truckload of things to be thankful for this year.  I'm not complaining, especially after seeing the potpourri of children in the recovery room with us.

In other surgical news, my 86yo grandmother fell on Wednesday, broke a hip and underwent surgery today.  She's not faring quite as well as Master Luke.  It looks like she won't be able to live in her house by herself and thus begins a new phase of life on the other end of the spectrum.  Sigh.  Granny, we love you.  I know you have no idea what a blog is and sometimes forget that I'm your granddaughter...but I love you just the same.  We're praying for you.

Y'all make it a great weekend.  We'll catch back up with the gang on Monday!

Luke Update: November 19, 2009

At a whopping 6lb. 2oz...look who's 2 months old!!

Oh, for the love.  All in all, today was progress, but just because you're headed in the right direction doesn't mean it's easy.

First things first.  We had Luke's first developmental assessment this morning.  Because of the trauma of surgery and his bad infection to the bowel, he's at-risk for delays.  Amazingly, his small size has little to do with it - who knew?  At any rate, he passed with flying colors today (yippee!) and we will keep checking in for many months until he's at least a year, maybe more, to make sure he's on track with fine and gross motor skills.  Take home message from this visit?  Give him more tummy time.  Done.

Next up was the surgeon visit.  After waiting an HOUR, we finally got in to see Dr. Meyer.  Man, I am so not patient and that just stunk.  I digress.  Luke got a good report.  Quick recap for those just joining in on the Luke train - he got a nasty third-ring-of-hellish infection in his small intestine and colon.  Emergency surgery removed his appendix and 16cm of small intestine and the end of that intestine was brought to the outside of his belly.  So, basically, instead of pooping out his hiney, it comes out through a bag.  Yeah, I thought that was cool on the diaper changing front until I realized what a pain in the you-know-what it is to change a leaking bag that collects all that stuff.

Anyhoo.

The intestine has to be reconnected to his colon to get his bowel working like normal.  The "ostomy take down" will take place December 11 @ 1pm.  Mark it on your calendars for some prayer time.  We need it.

Take home message from this visit?  We need to ramp up the prayers that he has limited damage to his colon and that the 'take down' goes down well :-)

Sheez, by the time all that finished today, I sped to get the girls, rushed home to feed Luke and then the phone rang.  You know you're a hospital regular when they call you 3x in one day.  Is that a record?  Tomorrow morning, we head to the hospital for his TWO-HOUR MRI.  Yikes.  Clearly, the papoose contraption that kept him happy for the last 20-minute MRI will not work this time around.  He'll be under general anesthesia and I think I might join him.

If you happen to be up at 3:30 this morning, offer up some prayers - that's the last time we can feed him until his procedure at 9am.  Yeah, that's gonna be a blast.  I'm trying to keep my eye on the prize.  MRI = answers...which we so desperately need.  The MRI will give us more clues as to what's going on with the cysts on his brain, as well as the sacral dimple above his hiney.  We're hoping it rules out spina bifida.  We shall see.

Man, I'm tired just reading all that.

Take home message for Mom?  I'm in freak-out mode...again.  Ugh, this roller coaster didn't really end in the NICU.  In fact, I think that was just the warm-up phase.  So, here we go again.  On the one hand, I'm excited that we're going to put in some more pieces of the puzzle.  Problem is, we have no idea what that puzzle looks like.  And, I don't like surprises.

Yeah, we're back to that whole, 'God is in control' thing :-)  So, we take it one thing at a time.  Getting him to 3:30am and mighty full and then getting to the hospital on time.  Beyond that, there's not much more we can do.

As always, your knee time is appreciated - more than you really know.  We'll be doing some of that at Dell tomorrow.  I'll keep you posted via FB in the morning and I'll do my best to get a full report up tomorrow night.

We Shall Never Forget

Hard to believe a decade slipped by so quickly.  Ten years ago the worst day in Aggie history happened.  Twelve people lost their lives.  Dozens more were injured.  Thousands mourned.  Millions were touched.

As an Aggie I've never been more proud of a response of a student body in the face of such tragedy.  Even though Scott and I were living in Indiana at the time, our neighbors knew we were Aggies and stopped by to offer their condolences.  People on the streets would see our Aggie shirts and give us a pat on the back and say a prayer.  Our A&M Club President was even on the local news.  At work, our co-workers wrapped their arms around our necks.  We shed lots and lots of tears.

A decade passes and the pain is still just as raw.  Scott's brother was a student there at the time, his Corps outfit working on Bonfire just hours before it toppled.  Many of his friends died that day, as did a friend of Scott's.

We will never forget.

Christopher Heard.  Lucas Kimmel.  Bryan McClain.  Chad Powell.  Jerry Self.  Nathan Scott West.  Miranda Adams.  Chris Breen.  Michael Ebanks.  Jeremy Frampton.  Jamie Hand.  Tim Kerlee.

God bless you - and the families you left behind - as they mourn your loss, miss your laugh and celebrate your life, cut too short.

We are the Aggies, the Aggies are we.  We're from Texas AMC.

Reality Check

Mine happened yesterday.  Monday was my first full day at home with all the kids - well, the boys were in school until 3, but I digress.

Actually, the day went pretty well.  I made the mistake of not taking a shower before Scott left with the boys at 7:45.  That meant I took the record-breaking 43-second shower while I put on Dora for the girls, put Luke in the bouncy seat and prayed like a fiend that nothing would happen.  Amazingly?  Nothing did.  Eh, wasn't much of a shower, but I knew I would be home all day.  At this point, I'm like, why bother?

So, while the girls napped, Luke nursed and he and I crashed on the couch (Reason #34 being a stay-at-home mom pretty much rocks).  It wasn't stellar napping, but the house was quiet and that's really all a girl can ask.

Then, the clock hit 3:30.

Anna-Laura kept asking for candy and after the 15th time, I finally snapped and threw a ton in the trash and bagged the rest for Scott to take to the office.  Oh, Halloween you are so not a fun holiday two weeks after the fact.

A friend brought the boys home and Will was all, "Hey, Mom, I need to study vocabulary but I can't find my steno book, but I know I'm supposed to study.  Do you know what an election is?  I think I know the Bill of Rights, though.  Oh, and can I play on the computer, Mom?  You know, after I'm done with  my vocabulary words." 

Then John Paul chimed in, "Mom, I wanna go outside!  Where's my snack?  Oh, Roberto and Antonio were so funny on the playground.  They crack me up.  Hey, why is Anna-Laura playing with my Batman stuff?  SISTY!!!"

ALG started screaming because John Paul took her pencil away - you know for Batman retaliation - Clare kept belting out "Noooo", Luke started screaming because he was hungry and I couldn't find my hydrocodone fast enough.

Scott arrived home at 6:30.  Longest three hours of my life.

But today was Mother's Day Out day.  Can you see me smiling?  There's something about having a few hours of peace at your house that allow you to handle the storm of "after school crazy."  We're figuring it out as we go.  Somedays are better than others, even if you are the mom of 5.

Forecast

Forecasts are a funny thing, aren't they?  Weatherman predicts rain and we grab our umbrellas.  Sports announcers predict the Aggies will win and we get our hopes up (maybe).  Whatever the forecast, we prepare ourselves for the probable outcome.

This weekend, I went to Mass for the first time since before Luke was born.  If you're counting that's about two months.  Now, I was able to attend a couple of daily Masses at Dell Children's and we had a sweet friend bring us communion each weekend.  But still.

Anna-Laura and I ventured up to church on Saturday evening and I caught myself looking down the pew, imagining our growing family taking up nearly the whole thing...someday.  Luke is still in quarantine, but we're hoping in the next month he will make his Mass debut.  Amazingly, I didn't tear up, I just smiled.  The homily was lovely, Deacon David spoke about forecasts :-)  And, the music was inspiring.  I was doing pretty well and Anna-Laura was well on her way to earning an A+ for her behavior.  Then we started to make our way up to communion and I darn near lost it.  I was literally biting my lip.  Surely the congregation would've wondering what was up with the crazy, sobbing lady on pew three if I had.

Perhaps it was the humbling realization that God has been with us all along, but it had been a long while since I had experienced his grace through the Eucharist, surrounded by community.  Perhaps it was because, with only one child to watch over, I had actually heard all the readings and the homily.  Perhaps it was the pregnant Eucharistic minister who offered communion.  Or, perhaps, it was a God moment when He reached my soul.  All in all, Mass just wasn't what I forecasted it would be.  I didn't just sail through the liturgy and come home inspired.

I actually think I came home with more questions than answers.

But, there was one thing that Deacon David mentioned that really touched me.  This whole forecast thing got me thinking.

If I had known my fifth pregnancy would be so rocky would we have tried for another?
If I knew the 20-week ultrasound would bring about a torrent of emotions would I have enjoyed those initial kicks, belly growing and maternity clothes shopping?
If we knew that Luke would develop NEC would I have dreaded his delivery, agonized over every feeding or felt guarded joy when I laid my eyes upon him for the first time?

We always say (myself is totally included here)..."Oh, if only God had given me a heads up on this one."  Or, "Man, if I'd only known, I might've..."  This experience with Luke has taught me that ignorance is bliss.

We don't want to know when a loved one will meet Jesus.  If we'll lose our job.  Get cancer.  Or lose a child.  That 'knowing' robs us of joy and faith.  And a whole lot of it.

Luke's most important lesson (and the one I was reminded of at Mass this weekend) is simple.  Live in the present.  Worry gets you nowhere.  God will get you through it if you let Him.  You will be stronger for having lived through the experience.

As a sweet mom reminded me recently...life experience doesn't define you.  It REdefines you.

QOTW: November 13, 2009

For those of you just joining us...or if you are relatively new to the blog, before all the Luke craziness, I was pretty good about giving you some laughs on Friday via "Quotes of the Week", hence QOTW.  We've been a little sidetracked, so here's hoping we can get the regular schedule back :-)

"Man, I just can't get enough of that couscous."
Will, after eating three servings of this outstanding side dish.  Kudos to our cook.

"So Mom, when Anna-Laura is 35 she will have a baby and YOU will have another baby, right?
John Paul, still in need of some math therapy, evidently.

"I know, Wuke.  I know."
Clare, with her most compassionate head nod and pat to Luke's belly.  Guess she's heard me saying that to him when he cries...

"Why do we have to put on our Halloween shirts?  That was like two weeks ago Mom!"
Will, giving me grief for making them put on the shirts so I could snap a picture this afternoon.  Hey, we're just two weeks behind.  Not bad.  Not bad at all.

{heavy sigh}
The nurse at Dr. Enders office when I told her I would be nursing Luke while she gave him his shots.  I do have a little story and bit of advice on this quote.  With Anna-Laura, I started nursing the kids when it was shot time at the doctor.  I just find out ahead of time how many shots we have (if we're slated to have more than 3, then I split them up and do them about 4 days apart - so much easier on everyone) and then find out what leg the nurse prefers.  I had Ms. Notsonice Nurse and she gives me a bad rap everytime I insist.  Tough stuff, sister.  I'm the mom.  Plus, evidence is on my side.  Recently a study showed that breastfeeding was a powerful pain reliever.  Of course, he did great.  Big wail as soon as the shot went in and then he went back to nursing.  No screaming baby = no crying mom.  Soap box done.

"No good deed goes unpunished."
Scott, when he realized he hung our new bedroom drapes three-inches too low...and when he went to patch the holes with extra paint, the can had leaked all over our garage floor.  Fun times.  Fun.  Times.

"I'm done."
Me, in reference to the C-R-A-P all over our house.  For reals.  It's everywhere.  Nesting, for me, happens before and after pregnancy.  Thank the good Lord.  I just have our bedroom and the game room closet to go.  I should dig out sometime next summer.

And that is your Friday QOTW.  We'll take a blog break this weekend and be back at it on Monday.  Pray for me...Scott goes back to work full-time and I'll officially be flying solo.  Not sure why I'm all skittish about that, but I am.  But, at least now I can sortof fit into my big girl skinny panties.  Bring it.

A good report x2

Can't beat that.  A good report x2, that is.

We had a follow-up visit with Luke's pediatrician yesterday.  He's gained a little more weight (about 2oz.).  While this Mom had hoped it would be more, we're happy he's gaining, not losing.  Our goal is to get him as chubby as possible before his next surgery, likely in 2-3 weeks.  He beamed at Scott on Tuesday - so not fair.  And, he's been tracking objects and responding to our voices.  We think we even heard a coo the other day.  If you're wondering why I'm obsessing about all this...it's a sign that, neurologically, he's on track for development.  Since he has those two brain cysts, we are thrilled he's reached some normal baby milestones.  Luke is teaching us that each baby step should be celebrated.  We've learned not to take anything for granted.  And in, um, private part news (I am so on the hot seat for this when he's 16) both of his testicles can be felt by the doctor and should descend on their own by six months.  Layman's terms?  That's another surgery we will likely avoid!

Dr. Johnson, his cardiologist (who we really dig, by the way) had some pretty good news for us today, as well.  His PDA is definitely closed (that's the valve that typically closes at birth, his just took six weeks to do it on its own).  The VSD (the hole between the lower two ventricles) is still there, but it's not causing major issues for him right now.  So, we will head back to see Dr. J in two months and see how it's progressing.  He's optimistic that the hole will get smaller or close on its own with time.  The most important news he delivered today was that he doesn't see open heart surgery to correct the VSD in Luke's future.  Excellente.

Next up?  The gut, the brain and the spinal cord.  I'll have updates on all those next week.

My mom brain doesn't remember much these days.  Gee, wonder why.  At any rate, I left a bag of pumped breastmilk at the NICU.  Dell has been calling to remind me to pick it up and we finally swung by today.  Walking back through those sliding glass doors, hearing the 'bong - bong - bong' of the ball art in the lobby, stepping back into that elevator and hitting "4"...it was very, very strange.  We've done that same drill so many times, yet it seems like such a long time ago that it was our reality.  Day in.  Day out.  And here I was, walking that infamous hallway to the NICU.

I picked up the phone and the same clinical assistant answered.  When I spoke, I nearly caught myself saying my last name and password, and then I paused.  "Um, this is Luke Whitaker's mom...I need to..."  And I hear a, "Oh, hold on a second, we have your milk!"  A minute later, she appeared with the bag of milk and immediately asked where Luke was.  You know, because I'm totally chopped liver.  He's definitely the rockstar.  I told her I'd bring him by next week when we're there for some doctor visits.  In an instant, she disappeared back into the NICU and I just stood there, feeling like a duck out of water, holding a bag of frozen breastmilk.

Totally weird.  And sad.

You see, when you visit the NICU at Dell, you can see one of the private rooms, Room 6.  Remember that one?  It was the one that held such joy for Evangeline, a baby that was discharged a few weeks before us.  It was the one that was the site of emergency surgery for a 23-weeker that died within hours.  And, it was the same room that housed yet another very, very sick baby, admitted just before we were just discharged.  My instinct tells me that an empty room for such a sick baby means that another baby didn't leave the NICU.  A family left with empty arms.  A mom recuperated from a birth without a baby to love.  A doctor had to do the hardest part of his job.

And, me?  It made me thankful that we got to leave.  With Luke safely in our arms.  If I can ask a favor, offer up prayers for a family who will leave the NICU without their precious baby, the Lichty family in particular.  No matter what brings you to the NICU or how you leave, every family deserves prayers.  And, I know we have enough to go around and then some.  Let's share the wealth, shall we?

May your Friday be grand, we have some fantastic quotes to share!

Top Nine: 'Thank You' is never enough

Today's top ten became the top nine (see below)...We all know one (or two or more), a distinguished man or woman who served our country.  Our family is blessed to have several such heroes:

Papa Jack (WWII)

Grandpa Toots (WWII)

Uncle Joe Mack (Korea)

Dad Bill (Vietnam)

Cousin John (Gulf War, Iraqx2)

Uncle Buddy (Korea)

Uncle Troy (Korea)

Cousin David (currently serving)

Uncle James (Korea)

If you're blessed to know such a fine folk, do this...call them, text them, send a note or say a prayer.  Tell them you appreciate their sacrifice.  Their service.  Their selflessness.  My take at least, is that we can never say 'thanks' enough.

Scott and I had the honor of visiting the Normandy beaches in France this spring.  That was one of the most humbling and moving days of my life.  We've spent time at the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier in D.C., walked the Vietnam Wall and seen the eternal flame.  We know that we're able to sleep in our beds, practice our faith and raise our children in a free society because of them.

Happy Veterans Day.

Back in the Saddle...sortof

Oh my, I hope I haven't lost some of you sweet readers.  So, I had an excuse all lined up as to why the lack of posts.  Let me introduce you to that excuse...

Before I delve too far into Luke world, I'll get you up to speed on life at home.

I felt like the quarterback's girlfriend last Friday night.  All giddy, because for the first time, I got to see Will play flag football.  He had a great block the last few seconds of the game which cost the other team a TD.  And, he got the defensive player of the game card.  John Paul tagged along and I'm pretty sure he only took a five-second break from talking...the entire game.

The girls are, well, girly.  Exhibits A and B.  Evidently lunchtime is way more delish when you wear your princess earrings.  Gotta remember that.

All in all, the kids are faring pretty well considering the high level of craziness here at Casa Whitaker.  We're starting to normalize, at least in their eyes, and that's a good thing.  It's a reminder to Scott and I that life does indeed, go on.

On the Luke front, if you're just joining us here during regularly scheduled programming, you might want to click here or here, to get all caught up.  Luke has a big week, tomorrow we visit his pediatrician for a weight check and Thursday we visit his cardiologist.  They'll be doing an echo (ultrasound of the heart) to see how his hole is faring (techno-speak, it's a VSD).  Obviously, we're hoping that it's on its way to closing all by its lonesome, but we'll see what Dr. Johnson has to say 'bout that.

We're tackling weight gain and ticker this week.  Next up for the following week?  His gut and the next surgery (probably in 2-3 weeks), along with his brain.  Yep, Luke believes in the motto:  Go big.  Or go home.  No small, insignificant organs here.  He goes for the gusto.

Oh?  Scott and I?  We're hanging in there.  Yes, we're parents of five and for the most part have it all figured out.  Or, at least we thought so until we had Luke.  Navigating the waters of doctor visits, follow-ups, developmental assessments (yes, we've learned that due to Luke's semi-prematurity and his super low birth weight, he's at risk for a litany 'o delays) is dizzying.  And exhausting.

I looked in the mirror today and thought, "Dang, I need to get better eye concealer."

It's also extraordinarily difficult to reacclimate to the life you people have been living.  Yes, you :-)  We see the world differently, we don't respond to situations the same way we did before Luke.  It's difficult to describe, but just understand that if we don't have the same conversations with you like we used to, or if we take a while to respond to emails, phone calls and the like, we still love you.  We're just trying to figure this all out.  This experience, this new tilt on our snowglobe has permanently altered who we are.  I like to think that's in a good way.

There is no substitute for life experience.

We've found that we connect on a deeper level with those of you that have experienced a life-changing event/s.  And, for those of you still waiting on yours, don't worry.  God has yours all ready.  He just hasn't given you a delivery date yet :-)

I'm back at it.  So, keep us on your bookmarks and check back.  I might even make you laugh more than cry this week.

Luke Update: November 6, 2009

My apologies for interrupting the traditional QOTW (Quote of the Week) Friday, but I thought sharing an update on Luke was 'quote' worthy :-)

At his weigh-in this morning he was 5lbs. 6oz. - yeppers, he gained a whole 3oz., or in metric world, 105g.  Doesn't sound like a lot, but in Luke world, that's big stuff.  My pediatrician did note that he has "scissored" legs, so we'll be doing some stretching.  That's one indicator of cerebal palsy, but we wouldn't have a firm diagnosis on that until six months.  And, the MRI, scheduled in a couple of weeks, will give us a more complete picture of what's going on with his brain.  You guessed it, another "watch and wait."  But, as we've already learned, early intervention and a heck of a lot of prayers are a good mix.

I also had a weigh-in at my OB and was slightly heavier than that.  But, I did get the thumbs up from my OB on delivering such a cute, happy little guy.  Works for me.

Aunt Jennifer (or Jefiner as John Paul says) was here this week for reinforcement.  AJ, really great to have you here.  Really, really great.  We NEVER get time to chat sans kids, hubbies and the MIL.  We need to do a girls' weekend this spring, ok?  I had the chance to get to know Jennifer as a mom these past few days and that was a real gift.  Not only is she a pretty cool aunt who knows how to wear out my kids, but she's a pretty fabulous person to boot.

Next week we have more Luke weigh-in's and a cardiologist visit, complete with an ultrasound of his heart.  We'll find out what that hole (his VSD) is doing - my hope is that it's closing.  This week, we worked hard at getting him to gain weight and we'll continue to do so.

As I was driving home from the doctor visits today, I heard the song "Hold My Heart" by Tenth Avenue North.  Wow.  Lyrics below.

How long must I pray, must I pray to You?
How long must I wait, must I wait for You?
How long 'til I see Your face, see You shining through?
I'm on my knees, begging You to notice me.
I'm on my knees, Father will you turn to me?

One tear in the dropping rain,
One voice in the sea of pain
Could the maker of the stars
Hear the sound of my breakin' heart?
One light, that's all I am
Right now I can barely stand
If You're everything You say You are
Won't You come close and hold my heart

I've been so afraid, afraid to close my eyes
So much can slip away before I say goodbye.
But if there's no other way, I'm done asking why.
Cuz I'm on my knees, begging You to turn to me
I'm on my knees, Father will you run to me?

One tear in the dropping rain,
One voice in the sea of pain
Could the maker of the stars
Hear the sound of my breakin' heart?
One light, that's all I am
Right now I can barely stand
If You're everything You say You are
Won't You come close and hold my heart.

So many questions without answers, Your promises remain
I can't sleep but I'll take my chances to hear You call my name
To hear You call my name

One tear in the dropping rain,
One voice in the sea of pain
Could the maker of the stars
Hear the sound of my breakin' heart?
One light, that's all I am
Right now I can barely stand
If You're everything You say You are
Won't You come close and hold my heart.
Hold my heart, could you hold my heart?
Hold my heart.

Fragile.  That's how my heart feels these days.  It's also very grateful, thankful, joyful and quite hopeful.  Don't worry, I don't need to be talked down from the ledge - yet - but I do think this marathon, this 26k-er is hard.  I don't exercise people.  So now you see my dilemma.  God's getting us all warmed up :-)

Make it a great weekend.  I'm off to a flag football game.  Finally!!  And then back to love on my FIVE kids.  By the way, I love telling people that :-)  Makes me smile.  Everytime.

Top Ten: Why 5?

If this article is to be believed, then surely I am one of the happiest women on the planet, next to Michelle Duggar, of course.  Many, many times we've heard the question, "Wow, did you always want a big family?"  Or, less complimentary quips like...

Whoa, that's a lot of kids.

Don't you know what causes that?

Are you Catholic or Mormon?

Are they all yours?

You must have your hands full.
(I'll admit, this one I HATE hearing, but not for the reasons you might think.)

So, I figured why not?  Why not answer that burning question now.  What got us from "Scott & Kathryn" to "Family of 7?"  In chronological order, here's the top ten of how we got to 'here' from 'there.'  Oh, but before I do, I have a disclaimer.  Life experience has taught me that the right size of a family is only known by one person.  We should never presume to tell folks that they should have more, or less.  You never know somebody's story until you ask.  At least that's my take :-)

1.  During our marriage prep, there was a couple that talked about NFP (Natural Family Planning), i.e. what I believed to be Catholic church propaganda on birth control.  I distinctly remember telling Scott that the church had no business telling me what to do in the marital bedroom.

2.  Boy and girl got married and said we were open to children, on our terms, of course.  I'm pretty sure we added the 'on our terms' part.  God chuckled, I'm sure.

3.  We joined the marriage prep team during our first year of marriage (mind you, we talked about marriage and money!!).  And, while talking to the NFP presenting couple, they shared they had five children.  I quipped, "Well, I guess it didn't work!"  They replied, "Maybe we wanted five!"  Looked for nearest black hole to climb into, but it was unavailable.

4.  Scott and I travelled to Italy with 15 teenagers from youth group.  We came back with a souvenir, Will, all on our terms and according to 'the plan.'  Boy and girl were very, very happy.  God smiled again.

5.  We joined another marriage prep team when we moved from Iowa to Indiana and were introduced to the amazing Mike and Denise.  Their very real witness as to why they practiced NFP and were open to children - always - worked on our hearts.  It took two years and four presentations for that witness to really sink in.

6.  When Will was 10 months, we completed the NFP class.  Boy and girl felt very smug about taking the class because, you know, we still had 'our plan' and were thrilled that it was God's plan, too.

7.  We went to Italy again, same pilgrimage, different kids.  Came back with another souvenir.  Nine weeks later, I miscarried the baby.  Definitely not our plan.  The heartache and pain was unimaginable.  Tiny bit frustrated with God that we were doing what He asked, yet I still miscarried.  Oh, I was young and naive :-)

8.  We struggled with secondary infertility and finally, after a long journey, had John Paul.  Totally remember telling Scott that we were done.  No more children.  God surely doubled over in laughter.

9.  Anna-Laura was our surprise and arrived just 16 months after John Paul.  Infertility you say?  God and the saints were chuckling now.

10.  I endured major spine surgery yet we took the leap of faith and had two more children, Clare and Luke.  Can you imagine how different our life would've been had we not taken that leap?  This is why living in a world of "would've's" is counter-productive.

To those who say, "How can you love five children adequately?" I say, you've never had five children.  Before I converted to Catholicism, I really thought the church wanted moms to have babies until eternity.  Then, I came to understand this teaching fully and realize that it's not the number of children we have, it's the ability to be open to life, always.  Letting God lead us to the perfect size family.  For us.

Because really, take a look around your house.  Which child would you send back?

An Open Letter

To all you blog stalkers, prayer warriors, friends and friends of friends, people we've never met and everyone in between...


Thank you.

Thank you for taking the time to check the blog each morning (or for staying up late hoping I'd post before your bedtime!) and lifting our family up in prayer.

I hope I didn't make you cry...too much. I pray that my rawness allowed you to see our reality. And, I appreciate - more than you will ever, ever, ever know - the offers of help on so many levels. Whether you brought me a Dr. Pepper to the hospital, sent us a card, cooked us a meal, made lunches, watched kids, dropped us an email or silently said a prayer - your gifts were an inspiration to our family.

All our children are miracles. But I truly feel like God gave Luke an extra dose.

We learned so much about ourselves through this process. I look back and read my posts from the early days and think, "Holy cow - how did we do that?" You. That's how.

I'd like to say that Luke's journey is over. But the reality is that our journeys are never truly complete. Yes, he has more surgeries, more possible complications and perhaps developmental delays in his future. Right now, we just don't know. You're welcome to hang with us and read along - about Luke and about the daily craziness of our snowglobe. You can check in from time to time, or once in a blue moon. Or, maybe this will be your last time to journey with our family.

Whichever path you choose - it's been an honor. An honor to have so many people show the love to our family. May God richly bless YOU as you continue to carry your cross, whatever that may be...

Over and out.

Home SWEET Home

Truly, a fabulous day.  It took a bit for us to believe that we were actually bringing Luke home yesterday.  As we were hanging out in his hospital room, the nurse practioner came in and said, "Go ahead and unhook him from all the monitors and get him dressed.  He's all yours."

Really, really?

It was a bit bittersweet.  We had a chance to say heartfelt goodbyes to some of our nurses, doctors and staff.  And then as we looked around his room one last time, I could feel the emotions bubble up.  It's hard to put into words what one feels when you walk out of the NICU.

One, I'm thankful we get to leave with a baby.  Because as I witnessed last week, not all families get that gift.  Two, you start to worry - at least Scott and I did - that maybe the doctors shouldn't be sending you home.  It's like being first-time parents all over again.  Is his belly distended?  What's that red spot on his head?  What if he doesn't gain weight?  Are we sure we're any good at this?  Oh, I had those questions and so, so, so many more.  Three, you've been in the "NICU zone" for so long that it's hard to come off that adrenaline and acclimate to the real world.

I'll be honest (you know, because I rarely am).  It's hard for me to see a nearly full-term pregnant mom.  Baby showers don't conjure up all the same warm and fuzzy feelings they did before I had Luke.  Walking through the baby aisle at Target doesn't feel quite the same.  Sitting in the waiting room at my OBs office is not fun.

We've changed.  I've changed.  And I realize that all I'm feeling is normal - maybe not completely and totally healthy - but normal.  At some point I'm sure Scott and I will start to process all that we experienced with a professional.  But for now, we're just going to enjoy having Luke home.  The rest will come in time.

When the kids saw Luke for the first time, it was like they had just unwrapped their favorite Christmas present.  "Oh Mom, he's so cute," was uttered by Anna-Laura at least a dozen times.  Clare keeps asking to wash her hands because she doesn't want to get "Wuke sick."  And, the boys just can't get enough of him.  It's pretty awesome.  And, as we sat on the couch tonight, taking communion from a friend, she commented that it was such a beautiful sight.  Theresa, I agree.  Having the seven of us in one place, under one roof defies description.

Luke's follow-up visits are many.  And, we definitely have one, maybe three surgeries in our future.  The first will be in about a month.  The other two are those infamous "watch and wait" ones.

Forgive me now if I take a few days vacation from the blog.  We'll be back to regularly scheduled programming come Wednesday, for the Top Ten.  I do have something I'll post in the morning, so be sure to check that out.  Until then...