Happy Memorial Day!

For most of us, we enjoy the long weekend.  The extra day to spend with family and friends, eat some BBQ or sit by the pool.  For others, they are reminded of the person that made the ultimate sacrifice for his or her country.

To those families, I say thank you.  Which, quite honestly, doesn't seem adequate at all.

As I dashed to Mass yesterday with the boys, I was reminded that America allows us to practice our religion freely.  As I shopped at HEB, I was reminded that there are no armed guards telling me when and where I can shop.  As I dropped the boys off at school, I was reminded that I decide where my children may attend school.

Our luxuries and freedoms are many here in the land of the free.  I am proud to be an American.  May God bless our troops currently serving and bring comfort to those families who made the ultimate sacrifice.

QOTW: May 28, 2010

"It looks like he qualifies."
Our ECI (Early Childhood Intervention) Coordinator Pat about Luke qualifying for state-funded physical therapy.  I'll have a longer post up next week about what that all means.  At least I know some of my tax dollars go to something worthwhile :)

"I'm soooo good at this!"
ALG, talking about how good she is at swim lessons.  She is super close to mastering the move.  I'm so proud of her.  Pictures to come next week.  I hope.

"Fadah Deeeeen!!"
Clare, this morning when we got our monthly surprise 7:15am visit from Fr. Dean, Luke's Godfather.  Yes, that would be in the AM.  I even had his plate out and breakfast ready...just in case.

"She needs surgery."
Yeah, that's definitely a blog post for next week.  Spoken by Anna-Laura's ENT.

Obviously, I have a fair amount of catching up to do.  But, it's almost carline time, the house is still quiet and I'm enjoying it while I can.  Y'all make it a great three-day weekend and don't forgot to offer up some prayers of thanksgiving on Monday for all those who make our freedom free.

God bless America!

I need a home!

I'm normally pretty good at detective work, but for the life of me, this dish's rightful owner escapes me.  If you cooked us a delicious meal and this belongs to you, let me know.  We won't hold it hostage anymore!!

Top Ten: Signs It's Almost Summer

If you are a parent of a school-aged child, you will be laughing in just a moment.  If not, tuck this top ten away and pull it out in a few years.  Then, you too, will understand why May is quite frankly the nuttiest month of the year. Without further ado, here's your...

TOP TEN:  REASONS SCHOOL MUST END SOON

1.  Hearing my kids say, "Oh, Mom, you're taking us to school in your pajamas...again?"

2.  Having a too-short night and rolling over in bed, to see the flashing 7:15AM, realizing you only have 15 minutes to get everyone fed breakfast, lunches made and in the car before the bell rings.

3.  The sheer madness of activities.  Concerts, parties, field days, projects, blah, blah, blah. 

4.  The 'reminder notes' from the school about the one-million things you must have your child bring in before the end of the year.  And, surely if you forget them, said child will hate you forever because they were the only one in the class who forgot.

5.  Driving past an empty swimming pool when it's 97 degrees and swearing you can hear it whispering your name, beckoning you to jump in.

6.  Forgetting to wash the kids' uniforms and praying that the dryer sheet masks the smell - at least until lunch when the kindergartener spills juice on his shirt.

7.  The 'Wednesday Folder' looks more like a torn sheet of notebook paper, holding on for dear life.

8.  The note home that says a case of pertussis has been confirmed.  Awesome.

9.  The 2010-2011 school calendar that was emailed last week, you know, so you could plan ahead.  That, and the supply list. 

10.  The shoes, shorts, shirts, socks, belts and everything else related to the school uniform is quite nearly on its last leg.  And then some.

BRING ON SUMMER!  Just 5.5 more days.  I. Can. Do. It.  (Then, of course, come August, I'll be writing a top ten about why it's time for school to start back up again...)

Bike!

Anna-Laura was thrilled with this birthday present...

I wonder why?  Mom and Dad got this one right.

I have no doubt those training wheels will be off in a flash (I give it a few weeks) and she'll be riding the streets with her brothers and keeping up just fine.  She may have a hot pink bike, but this chick is tough as nails.  Just ask Will.

And, for bonus photos, here's a sweet one of Scott, Granny and Luke.  Awww.

My apologies, in advance, for the light / short posting the next couple of weeks.  It's the end-of-year crazy.  Bring on summer!!

QOTW: May 21, 2010

"Your real, real, REAL name is Scott."
John Paul, after referring to Scott as Dad, then clarified his "actual" name.

Me:  "Anna-Laura, did you wake up your sister this morning?"
ALG: "No.  I only said, 'Clare, it's time to wake up.'  I didn't touch her."

"That's my friend!"
Clare, while pointing to big sister ALG at Pre-K graduation.  So cute.

"The policeman will give you a ticket for screaming, Sisty."
John Paul after tiring of hearing his sister scream in the car.  Oh, if only John Paul.  If only.

And, from Pope Benedict XVI on the importance of authentic Christian politicians...
"The Pope explained how "the spread of a confused cultural relativism, and of a utilitarian and hedonistic individualism weakens democracy and favours the dominance of strong powers. We must recover and reinvigorate authentic political wisdom; be demanding in what concerns our own sphere of competency; make discriminating use of scientific research; face reality in all its aspects, going beyond any kind of ideological reductionism or utopian dream; show we are open to true dialogue and collaboration, bearing in mind that politics is also a complex art of equilibrium between ideals and interests, but never forgetting that the contribution of Christians can be decisive only if knowledge of faith becomes knowledge of reality, the key to judgement and transformation. What is needed is a true 'revolution of love'".

We're off to enjoy a delicious fish fry with the Williamson County A&M Club this weekend, finish a few honey-do's, ride some bikes and chill.  Only 8 1/2 days left of school.  YYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!  Make it a great weekend.

The Graduate

I knew when we had John Paul and Anna-Laura just 16 months apart, that some milestones would fly by because, just as soon as we celebrate one with JP, we turn around and do it again in a flash with ALG.

Last Thursday was Pre-K graduation.  Now, before you get all 'that's ridiculous' on me (trust me, Scott has you covered in that department), I love it merely for the cute factor.  No, we did not have a party afterward, ask for gifts or get her hair done...I admit I did send out invitations, but again, it was the cute factor.  For me, it was about celebrating the milestone, in a simple, sweet, loving sort of way.  For those of you that have children this age, you totally know where I'm coming from on this one.

Fr. Pedro said a few kind words at the pulpit and then ever-so-sweetly knelt in front of the kids and shared his wisdom with them.  St. Elizabeth is blessed to have him.  Both the director's shared their insight and reflected on some memories throughout the year.  We are blessed, as parents, to have them so dedicated to our children's futures.  We've only been at St. E for two years, but I can tell you that you really do 'feel the love' the moment you walk in the door.  They have been SO gracious and kind to our family this year.  I don't even have the words to give them enough thanks.  The girls' teachers - Ms. Lisa, Ms. Shelley, Ms. Janice and Ms. Reyna - were out-of-this-world awesome.  They gave Clare and Anna-Laura the attention and distraction they needed this year.  What a year.

Just before ALG walked up the aisle I caught myself getting sad.  Mostly because I felt like I missed out on so much of her Pre-K experience.  For the better part of the fall and a good chunk of the spring, I was in-residence at Dell Children's.  But, then I saw this...

...and I realized just how proud and excited she was.  And my mom guilt melted away and was replaced with pride and adoration.  I adore this little girl.  I love that we had a MAJOR argument before leaving the house about what she would wear.  No, it had nothing to do with the wrong dress, but she was convinced that she would be "wearing my gradeeation gown, momma" and that wearing a dress was pointless.  Until, of course, I pointed out that she would only be wearing underwear unless she put on something to wear to church.  I love her independent streak.  And I love that just as she passed by, Clare shouted out, "That's my friend!" and giggled (you can see her on the left of the picture).  Oh, Anna-Laura, you are so cute.

The children sang some sweet songs, complete with hand motions.  ALG mostly stood there and looked bashful with a big grin.  I think she was just too excited about being in the spotlight that she only knew to smile :)  I'll take it.

So, here we go.  She's officially off to school with the boys next year.  Which means that I'll have more in school than I will at home.  Some folks keep saying, "Aren't you excited?"  For her, yes.  For me, the jury's still out.  Momma bear still wants the cubs to be little just a bit longer.  I guess that's what summer is for, right?

Anna-Laura, happy graduation!  You made your momma and daddy proud!

Note:  all these adorable pictures are compliments of an amazing photographer, Amber Overton.  Thanks Amber!!

Look who's 8 months!

Holy smokes.  Luke is starting to act (and look) like the babies I remember with my other kids.  In other words, it's nice to be out of the hospital.

Let's get to the update, shall we?  We've had about eight doctor visits the last three weeks.  I'm tired just thinking about them all!  I have some good news and some "potentially bad news, but we're waiting it out to see."  First up, the good news with a sprinking of "potentially bad news" (i.e. surgery).

General Surgery
If you follow me on twitter or FB, you know that last Thursday was a HUGE milestone and a leap of progress.  We visited Luke's general pediatric surgeon, Dr. Meyer, and he said (and I quote), "Well, why don't you just check back in with us in about a year so we can take a look at how his scar is doing."  I swear I had to look at him and blurt out, "Really?"  Dr. M just smiled and said, "Really."

I know I've gushed more than I should have about this surgeon, but allow me one more time, ok?  He loves kids.  He's a skilled surgeon.  He speaks Luke.  He has been such a big part of our life for the last eight months and I am grateful that he's been with us, even though I might've wished the circumstances were different.  On second thought, if they had been different, our relationship with him wouldn't have been as powerful.  So, strike that circumstance part.  It is as it should be.

Cardiology
We also had a visit with cardiology earlier in the week and Dr. Johnson is happy with the size of Luke's VSD (the hole in the upper chamber of his heart).  The left side of his heart is still overcompensating and doing most of the work, hence the reason it's slightly enlarged.  But, for now we're just going to watch it.  As long as Luke continues to gain weight, we'll leave it alone.  Then, at age 2, we'll revisit the open heart surgery option.  I'm hopeful that some prayers will take care of that one.  We head back when Luke turns a year to assess his progress.

Neurosurgery / Plagio
We also had Luke's post-op follow up appointment with his neurosurgeon.  His scar looks awesome.  And, as the kids say, "Hey mom, he has a scar on the front and the back like you."  Yes, yes he does.  If only I had Luke's blue eyes...  They do want us to visit plagio for the flat spot on the back of his head.  That's in a few weeks, so Luke may be sporting a helmet in the near future.  We shall see.  They also ordered a fast acquisition MRI which we did last week and the results came back normal.  Whew.  We got the three- month pass from neuro.  Yippee!  He still has a fontanelle that's rather large.  And, if at age 2 it's not closed on its own, then Dr. George will have to close it for him.  Add that one to your list of prayers, too.

Pediatrician
As much as I love Dr. Enders, we have seen WAY too much of her lately.  Luke's had two ear infections (the last one we just can't seem to shake).  Amazingly, I've only had to treat each one of the kids to a single ear infection a piece.  So, when Luke came down with his second one, I immediately got worried.  Even though he's been exclusively breastfed (I mean, this kid even gets milk with his cereal!), his immune system is so worn down from all the hospital stays and surgeries.  I had a friend tell me the other day that she's read so much about Luke but she's only seen him once.  We've just been extremely cautious about getting him out in big crowds.  A sniffle for other babies is a major infection for Luke.  And, now that we know he has this cephalosporin allergy coupled with a sensitive gut, that severely limits which drugs he can take.  I tell ya, our little Luke is making his doctor's recall all that knowledge from med school.  Unfortunately, it looks like we've gained yet another specialist, an ENT (ear-nose-throat) to evaluate the ear infection situation.  We're not sure if we should keep treating them with meds or do surgery and insert tubes (both have pros and cons).  That visit is in June, so I'll keep you posted.

Developmental
For the most part, Luke is making progress, but he has some definite delays.  Fine motor-wise, he's doing pretty well.  Gross motor needs some work.  Right now, he can roll from front to back and sit with some help.  I know that will come in time.  Sometimes the worrier comes out in me, but I'm trying to shake her.  That's tough.  We will likely start up with ECI (Early Childhood Intervention), a state-funded program, to do some physical therapy.  I can't say I'm a huge fan of government, but this is one of those programs where your tax dollars actually do make a difference.

He's an eating machine.  I started making my own baby food.  Caution:  it's addictive.  So far, he pretty much loves it all.  Avocados, bananas, green beans, apples, sweet potatoes.  Yup.  This week, we're off to be a bit more adventurous:  butternut squash, mangos, apricots and pears.  Even I'm excited about eating them.  His new-found love of eating solid food probably explains why he went from 11lbs. 4oz. last week to 11lbs. 13oz. this week.  We are so close to breaking that 12-pound mark I can taste it.  It will be such a milestone for us to get there.  I have to admit, the eating/gaining weight thing has been our biggest challenge.  Fortunately, he's an awesome nurser (that is God's greatest gift in all this, I believe).  It's just that with Luke we fight for every. single. ounce.  With the other kids, I would say things like, "Oh, I think he gained 2 or 3 pounds last month", smile and then move about my day.  With Luke, I know that every minute he spends crying, he's burning valuable calories.  We anxiously watch the scale's digital numbers add up at his pediatrician's office.  I hold my breath everytime.

It's a constant struggle, but I know that we're going to hit a stride.  Actually, I don't know that, but I'm hopeful.

He's a talker.  And he's very verbal.  Definitely a Whitaker.

So, in answer to the most-asked question, "How's Luke?" my answer has become this...

Every day we make progress.  Albeit slower than we'd like, but we're moving forward.  We just have a different yardstick to measure with when it comes to Luke.

Homework

Proof that Will really is the best biggest brother around.

Happy Birthday Princess!

Scott always calls the girls that and I smile everytime he does.  I'm reminded of my relationship with my dad, and I'm so grateful that my girls are loving their dad like I love mine.

Oh, Anna-Laura.  I believe I'm echoing every mom's sentiment about how quickly the time passes...where did the time go?  I mean, I remember the doctor yelling out, "It's a girl!" and me asking him if he was sure.  Then I remember Scott crying.  You were born on my paternal grandmother's birthday and we've bestowed her nickname on you, Sisty.  I have no doubt the original Sisty is smiling in heaven today.

You are just a total joy.  Even when you're throwing your fits, which you sometimes throw in a major way, I still love you no matter what.

You are sweet.  I love the way you play with Luke.  He thinks you hung the moon.

You are smart.  Of course :)

You love to help in the kitchen.  Especially if brownies are on the menu.

You are girly.  I so love that about you.  You have your babies.  You nurse them.  Take them to the hospital when they're sick.  You swaddle and love them, rock them and bathe them.  Even though we've bought you many babies since birth, you're still carting around the one with the filthy, missing arm, half scratched eye because she was your first.

You are tough.  Hey, with three brothers one has to be.  That trait will come in handy for a lifetime.

You are independent.  Huh, that's weird.

When I think about you skipping to kindergarten (which you are so stoked about), I always tear up.  Stop the clock, I scream out.  My little girl can't be leaving the nest so quickly.  ALG there are so many things to love about you.  Little things (like how you tuck your hair behind your ear, look up and say 'um' when you're thinking, how cute your giggle is or how you have more shoes than me), big things and everything in between.  I never knew it could be so awesome to be the mom of a girl.  Then I had you.

Happy Birthday Princess!  You are so loved.

Mother-Daughter Brunch

What a fun morning.  Being five is fabulous.

This year, we decided to go small for Anna-Laura's birthday and do something a little different.  We opted for a mother-daughter brunch at a local fav, Kerbey Lane Cafe.  Yumola.  Both grandmothers were able to come, which I considered a true blessing.  We had an aunt in Dallas with a husband on a plane and another aunt down with the stomach flu.  Next year, gals, next year.

So, two of ALG's girlies (Savannah and Keira) and their mommas, in addition to the grandmommas, joined us at the cafe for brunch, cake and a few squeals.  Too cute.  See pictures below for proof.  Oh, hat tip to the best bakery ever, Polkadots.  They make a mean/cute/sassy princess cake.  If you'll remember last year's cakes for Anna-Laura and Clare, they outdid themselves then, too.

I'm renaming this next photo, "Best Expression of the Day".

I mean, wouldn't you have had the same face if YOU got a princess superhero cape?

I'll get my 'I love you to the moon and back' post on said birthday girl tomorrow.  Because today, I'm in denial.  She is still 4 until midnight :)

Happy soon-to-be birthday princess!!

QOTW Interrupted - Fundraising for Dell!

My apologies.  It's not that funny things haven't been said (because they have!), I just have lots of things to share in the next week - Anna-Laura's graduation and birthday, Will's baptismal anniversary, Luke's 8-month update (holy smokes!), blah, blah, blah.  Here goes...

On Monday evening, Luke and I gave our first speech.  Well, I'm certainly no stranger to public speaking, Luke is the newbie, but this is the first time I've ever been asked to speak at a fundraiser.  Eeeek.  White Construction Company is one of my clients and they host a highly successful golf tournament every year.  Think six-figures.  They also happened to be the general contractor for the Dell Children's Medical Center.  The crazy thing is that I had seen SO many photos of that hospital as I created marketing materials for White.  Silly me thought I knew that place like the back of my hand.

I do now.

At any rate, they wanted me to share Luke's story before they presented the $60,000 check to Dell (they gave another $60K to another local charity).  Oh, and the President of the hospital and the Executive Director of the hospital's Foundation were also there.  Eeeeeeeeeeeek.  Quite honestly, the entire way over there, I kept scrolling through my notes in my head.  Should I say this?  Oh, I definitely can't forget to say that.  Should I go there?  What if I cry?

Typically, before I speak anywhere about anything I get a little nervous.  The butterflies start stirring and I usually have to take a few deep breaths.  Not this time.  Not one butterfly.  Not one 'oh my goodness there's a roomful of people here and they're all staring at Luke and I'.  Nope, just pure calm.  I suppose it was part me holding Luke, part subject knowledge and part (big part) Holy Spirit.  My only prayer before I began was, "Come Holy Spirit...guide my words."  And He did.

I shared the highlights of Luke's story, expressed my thanks to his many doctors and nurses and to the sponsors in that room and then people were clapping and I was done.  It was almost like I had an out-of-body experience.  I knew that if I fell apart, that wouldn't convey the story.  I remember scanning the crowd thinking, "Wow, big golfer man over there is dabbing at his eyes...and so is she...and so is he."  But, I just kept talking and sharing.  I felt so honored.  And, in that moment, I also realized just how far Luke had come.  I mean, this kid stopped breathing and was intubated and we were baptizing him in the NICU Bay for goodness sake.  Just how did we get from there to the happy, smiling baby in my arms?

What a moment.  I don't know if we'll ever be asked again to share "Luke's story" in such a public setting.  But, I am so grateful for the opportunity that we did have.  Luke. Is. A. Miracle.

Make it a great weekend...we have lots of celebrating to do here!

Top Ten: Things I'll Miss

You'll get the full report on Luke on Monday.  My heart is sad tonight...Luke's Godmother is moving 2,000 miles away tomorrow.  We're super happy for Melanie and the gang, but I'd be lying if I told you I wasn't sad, too.

Here's a little background.  Scott met this really great couple, through work, that had the same amount of kids as us (at the time, that would be 3!).  I met them at an open house for new parents the spring before Will entered kindergarten and just three weeks after my major spine surgery.  We hit it off instantly.  Since then, we've had two babies, lots of family dinners and shared a tubload of texts, phone calls and playdates.  We are alike in many ways, except for the fact that her husband is a doctor :)  Running joke.  Sorry.  At any rate, in honor of Melanie, I'll offer you this...

TOP TEN:  THINGS I'M GONNA MISS

1.  Her sarcasm.  In person.  It will come through on texts, emails, voicemails and skype, but there's just something about hearing it in person that makes me smile, everytime.

2.  Family dinners.  We've had lots of these and they're always fun.  It always seemed like they were the moment when we announced something big...like the dinner when we told them we were pregnant.  Or the one a few weeks later when they did the same.  It's not often we double our house size the moment the door opens.  Tucker's, our Sunday evening dinners will be missed.

3.  Buddy time.  Everybody has a buddy.  Crazily enough, we have the exact same number of children, quite nearly the same age, all in the same boy/girl birth order.  Let's see, there's Jax/Will, Blaise/John Paul, Madelone Rose/Anna-Laura, Elizabeth/Clare and Henry/Luke.  That's just nuts.

4.  Her honesty.  Melanie isn't one to sugarcoat things.  I love that.  I hate sugar.  Give it to me straight.  Preferably in a margarita glass.

5.  Her heart.  Melanie was the first person I called when (crap, now I'm crying) I had that 20-week ultrasound.  She called me religiously every appointment day and wanted to know the skinny.  If I didn't answer, she just kept calling :)  She was with us the night Luke was born and the night he was wheeled into emergency surgery.  She's just always been there.

6.  Her faith.  We may not think all the teachings of the church are easy, but we embrace them.  And we've done it together.  If not for her, I would've never taken the NFP refresher course and who knows what would've happened if I hadn't!

7.  Her generosity.  I mean, you know you've found a keeper of a friend when she buys you underwear!  Yes, those first few weeks Luke was in the hospital, Melanie was my lifeblood and my sanity.

8.  Her table.  Ok, I know that sounds weird.  But hang with me.  A while back, we breakfast table swapped.  Everytime we sit down for a meal, I'm reminded of all the times we 'broke bread' together and I am thankful for her friendship.

9.  Her technology skillz.  Yea, that's total sarcasm.  I had to give her blog tutorials...but I expect some stellar posts once you hit Washington State, lady.

10.  Her hugs.  Nuff said.

Melanie, you and your family are taking a great leap of faith and we are so proud of you.  You will tear it up in Washington.  We're looking forward to a family roadtrip to see y'all.  As a sweet Dominican sister reminded me the other day, "There is no distance between tabernacles."  We'll see you at Mass :)

Happy (Belated) Mother's Day!

I took a blogging break, and I've been procrastinating downloading the photos.  Sorry I'm late.

Sheez, I could write a book on how much this mother's day meant to me.  Maybe I already have?!?  At any rate, it was just another day around here.  The kids argued, I did laundry, went grocery shopping, cleaned hineys and broke up fights.  But, I also enjoyed a delish brunch, courtesy of my mom, hung out with the fam, took a two-hour nap (total highlight by the way), opened some very heartfelt gifts from the kids and felt very loved by my significant other.

I was thinking so many things as the day approached.  In fact, it may just be worthy of a top ten motherhood post tomorrow.

Hope your day was fabulous.  For many, I know the day is bittersweet.  My dad spent his first day without his mom, many friends spent the day mourning the loss of a child taken too soon, others anxiously await adoption and still others struggle with infertility.  To them I say, you will be reunited, comforted and rewarded.  Our God is an awesome God.

My mamacita :)

Calling all NICU parents...

If you live in Central Texas and you are a NICU survivor (yea for strength!), then I'm asking you to prayerfully consider my request...

A sweet friend, who providentially became my mentor because of Luke, is the founder of an amazing non-profit, Hand to Hold.  See her note below and consider becoming a mentor.  You don't have to be a superwoman, just a mom who wants to help another mom weather the NICU road.  It's a treacherous one.  You know that.  Just think about how scared and frustrated and sleep deprived you were and how awesome it would've been to have someone to talk to that really and truly understood.  And listened.

Dear Friends of Hand to Hold,

Please join me for the first official volunteer training for Hand to Hold this Saturday, May 15th from 10 a.m. – 2 p.m. at Covenant Presbyterian Church located at the intersection of 2222 and Mopac. (Directions are attached). We will be meeting in the Fellowship and Education Building (4 story building located in center of campus) in room 104. Lunch will be provided.


RSVP to me by Thursday, May 13th at 5 p.m. (This training is meant for adults only. Unfortunately, we are unable to provide childcare).


In an effort to get to know fellow participants and save time during our training session, please send me a brief summary of your experience with preterm birth and/or life in the NICU. In approximately 250 words or less, please provide a general overview of what has brought you to volunteer with Hand to Hold. Submissions are due by Thursday, May 13th at 5 p.m.


We will briefly share our stories on Saturday and then dive right in to training. We will be discussing the difference between peer to peer support and the support provided by a professional counselor. We will focus on listening skills, recognizing the signs of Post Traumatic Stress and how to ensure we as volunteers are taking care of ourselves and how to encourage the families we are supporting to recognize the need for self renewal in the midst of caring for a medically fragile child.


Please consider staying after the training on Saturday to network with fellow volunteers and share your stories in more detail. Let me know if you have any questions. I truly look forward to meeting you all and am so thankful for your interest in Hand to Hold.


In appreciation,

Kelli D. Kelley
Founder, Executive Director, Hand to Hold
kelli@handtohold.org
512-293-0165

Something to celebrate?

Warning:  This is probably a controversial post.  But, it's my blog and I can write about what I want, right? Please know that I share from the heart, how I feel.  I'm not keeping a notebook of friends that do and those that don't.  Quite honestly, it's none of my business.  I can't stand it when folks ram beliefs down your throat.  Nobody likes that.  I just felt compelled to share my story...so here goes.

In yesterday's "top news" on my iPhone app, I saw this article.  Mother's Day marks the 50th anniversary of the debut of the pill.  I found that unbelievable ironic.  Yes, 14 years ago when Scott and I got married, I was a faithful (and adamant supporter) of this medical marvel.  I mean, I was staunchly pro-life, but this was just a pill that allowed Scott and I to be responsible about introducing children into our family.  Just as we finished year one of marriage, I began to hate that pill box.  For one, I hated having to remember to take it each day.  More frustrating, though, is that I began to wonder if putting a pill like that into my body could have medical consequences.  Just how safe was it to be on that kind of medication long-term?  It wasn't because of any book or article I read, it was just a gut feeling.

Fast forward to year three.  I was an accomplished career woman, loving my job that allowed me to travel and feeling very liberated.  You know, in a conservative kind of way :)  Scott and I had a tearful discussion on the couch one night.  I wanted kids, but my career was more important.  My fears took over and I rationalized that staying on the pill allowed me to have control over my fertility.  Because, I believed, having a child at that point in our marriage would be a burden, not a blessing.  As Dr. Seuss so eloquently says, "I was on my way!"

Year four, Scott and I traveled to Italy and we felt like we had finally reached the right time to have children.  God agreed and nine months later I gave birth to my first child.  About that same time, Scott and I had participated in a men's and women's retreat, respectively, at our parish.  Things were falling into place, just as we had planned.  Life was so good.  When Will was ten-months-old, we decided to sign up for the Natural Family Planning (NFP) class at the hospital.  It was a natural method of birth control, which happened to be endorsed by the church.  I was intrigued to see if it would really work and excited that it might mean no more medication.  When Will was 15 months old, we found out we were expecting (again, all according to our plan) and we were ecstatic.  Nine weeks later I miscarried.

It wasn't until that warm embrace with Scott in our kitchen, with Will hanging onto my leg, as I sobbed my heart out that I realized I was not in control.  I never had been.

Scott and I had only been practicing NFP for seven months, yet its affect on our marriage is the reason why we are still married today.  It got us communicating, it got us praying, it got us giving control to God.

We knew that there were fertile, infertile and possibly fertile times in every woman's cycle.  So, those "surprise pregnancies" you hear about when women are on the pill are explained.  We began to realize that no matter what type of birth control you use, if you're intimate when you're fertile, you open wide the door to a pregnancy.

That's why, when I read this article about liberation and medical marvels, my heart got a little sad.  I know what amazing things NFP has done for our marriage.  I wonder how many other marriages it could strengthen?  What would that do to our world?  How would generations of children benefit?

I don't have the answers to any of those questions.

But, I do know that I am at peace trusting God with every part of my marriage, and my relationship with Scott, and God, are better for it.

QOTW: May 7, 2010

"We ate at da pub."
Clare, talking about eating at the CLUB, with my parents this past weekend.  I love toddlerese.  Just the other day, I heard her talking to herself and wondered, "Is she speaking English?"

That's all I got this week.  I'm really feeling the motto, 'the days are long and the weeks are short' this week.  I should have a post up on Monday about Luke's progress.

Of course, we'll be making it a GREAT weekend around here.  It's Mother's Day!!!!  You do the same.  We'll catch you on Monday.

Shout Out...and a late night confession

First, let's get to the shout out.  I have a friend, well...we've only met once, talked a couple of times on email, we stalk one another in cyberspace and she's married to a former client of mine.  Let's just say how we know one another is complicated.  No matter.  She is a kindred spirit in the writing world and she just got published!  I encourage you to check out her article here, on the Busted Halo website (a client of mine, by the way!)  Vanessa is a very talented writer and I love her conversational, witty, human tone.  I could read her stuff all day.  And, I love the moral of her story in the article.  Beautifully written, my dear.

Now to the late night confession.

I feel like a really bad mom.  Ok, hold the phones, I'm not seeking comments that say, "Oh, Kathryn, you're such a great mom."  Just hear me out.  Our instinct as moms is to 'make it all better', am I right?  Can I hear an Amen?  The whole Luke sleeping thing - or lack thereof - is really starting to get to me.  We had three doctor visits this week and, still, I'm anxious.  Scott is traveling until tomorrow, so I'm flying solo.  There's something about solo flight that makes one dig deep and just deal.  Tonight, though, I had to get frustrated.  But instead of crying, I found myself praying.  And you'll never guess whose intercession I sought.

Mary, Mother of God.

Ok, by my very nature I'm not a huge rosary prayer.  I know how to do it and even have some beautiful and meaningful rosaries.  But it's just been in the last several months that I've found myself wondering just how she did it.  How did she say "Yes" to Gabriel?  How did she birth a baby with no drugs?  How did she raise the Messiah so beautifully?  Did she ever put him in timeout?  If he screamed at her, did she scream back?How did she watch him suffer on the cross? 

Beats me.  But she did it.  And I am inspired and honored.  Honored that in some of my darkest moments, I've implored her intercession.  I've asked her to guide my thoughts, my actions and my words as a mom.  I hope that confession doesn't freak out my non-Catholic readers.  I'll be clear.  Not into Mary worshipping.  Totally into Mary honoring.  I figure if anybody knows how to be a mom, she's the one. 

Scott gave me this beautiful painting for Christmas - darn it all if I can't find the photo.  (I'll post it tomorrow).  It's of a mom nursing her newborn baby.  Everytime I look at that painting, I think of two things:  1) how much I love my husband and 2) the unconditional love between a mother and a child.

As we journey down the Luke path, I pray that I will be a better mother tomorrow than I am today. 

Top Ten: Meal Tips

We've been the beneficiaries of many a home-cooked or store bought meal in the last few months.  Certainly, we've had a week or two of meals from friends after our babies were born, but nothing long-term like we've had with Luke.  We are incredibly thankful for that generosity.  I know how hard it is to cook dinner every night for my brood, so the fact that someone else cooks for us while whipping up something for their family, too, makes me that much more grateful.  There were many a day that I would look on the calendar and do a happy dance knowing that I didn't have to cook.  With all the stuff we had going on, it made life much betta.

In the last several months there have been some pretty ingenious things that friends and family have done that made it just a bit easier and I wanted to pass them along.  I mean, why keep all the good ideas to myself, right?  The next time you offer to bring a meal, keep these awesome ideas in the top of your cap.

TOP TEN:  "HELPING A FRIEND OUT" MEAL TIPS

1.  If you're the one coordinating the meals, use a care calendar or electronic form that folks can just sign up instead of trying to keep track via email.  The programs allow the family to enter allergies/dislikes, directions to their home and normal eating time - all information that is much more efficient to get online than emailing the family directly.  Plus, when it comes time to do thank-you notes, it's nice to have one place to go to remember who brought you what!  We also just had 3-4 meals a week (say Sunday, Monday, Wednesday and Friday) and then spent the other days eating leftovers.  The food accumulates faster than you might think :)

2.  Meals were that much easier when they were packaged in dishes that we could keep or throw away.  Nothing says "awesome" like a sink without dirty dishes.  We even had one mom who brought us plastic silverware, napkins and milk boxes for the kids.  That rocked.

3.  Believe it or not, it's breakfast that's the hardest meal.  Or, at least that was the case with us.  Several families brought us breakfast foods that could be frozen and then thawed to eat - muffins, bread, pancakes, waffles, etc.  That was a tremendous help and one that I underestimated in the beginning.  I mean, really.  Your kids can only eat so many bowls of Cheerios before the complaining starts.

4.  Steer clear of salads.  I love them, as do my children, but when we set up our meal calendar right after Luke was born, we put these in the "dislike" category for one reason.  We knew getting three big bags of salad a week that too much would go to waste.  Granted, this may not be a big deal if folks are bringing you meals for a week or two, but long-term, we much preferred bags of frozen veggies that could be thawed and eaten in smaller portions.

5.  Several families brought us casseroles - yea!  And for a fair amount of them, we divided them in half, eating one half and freezing the other.  You might consider dividing them before you bring them over.

6.  For a change of pace, we had some friends that gave us gift cards or brought us a meal from a favorite restaurant.  That was fantastic.  And, it allowed us to get an occasional night out with the kids.

7.  Hooray for the grocery run.  One sweet friend did grocery shopping for us a couple of times.  Even if you can't do that, bringing a gallon of milk, a bottle of juice, a loaf of bread, a dozen eggs or some fruit can be a big help.

8.  One family suggested we put out a cooler on a front porch, that way if someone came by to drop off dinner and we weren't home or just couldn't get to the door, they had a place to stash the meal.  That came in SO, so handy.

9.  If you have the time, include the recipe.  We've had so many meals that were absolutely delish, but now I can't remember who brought them and who to hound for the recipe!

10.  A few school friends brought along a snack for the kids, which ended up being a total lifesaver when we went to pack lunches the next day.  A juice box here, a box of goldfish there and somehow the world seemed a little easier to handle.

Today

Oh, today.  It was busy.  And frustrating.  And enlightening.  And awesome.

We started off the morning buzzing around in a flurry because Luke had another no good, really bad, terrible night (another post, another day) and we were slow to get started.  We didn't get lunches packed last night, nor did we have breakfast ready - those always make for stressful mornings.  I got the girls to school (barely), jetted down to Dell Children's for two doctor's visits and somewhere around noon I caught my breath.  I worked feverishly this afternoon to finish client work while the girls and Luke napped, then it was school pickup time, dinner prep time, late afternoon nap for Luke time and Scott arrived home just in time for dinner.

In all the flurry, I took about a half hour to nurse Luke before bed.

And that's when I heard God's voice.

Well, technically I heard it at these times, too:

- When I yelled at the too-slow driver on Toll 45 as I was trying to get to school on time.  Slow down, Kathryn.  It's just pre-school.

- When I dropped the girls off, the sweet director met me at the car knowing I needed to get Luke to his doctor's appointments.  Be thankful for gracious and genuine people who care for your children.

- During the scalp needle stick to draw yet more blood from Luke.  His crying is only temporary...this procedure will give you answers.  Be patient.

- At the checkout desk, as I listened to a sweet 6-year-old cancer patient sweetly tell her nurse, "Don't you love my new knit hat?  It's so soft!"  There are other moms who suffer as they nurture and love their children through trials.  Be thankful for your cross, never curse it.  It is what makes you, YOU.

- As I visited with a sweet friend who's moving 2,000 miles away next week.  Enjoy your friends.  Time with them is precious.

- At the dinner table.  Take a good look around, Kathryn, these small people won't be small forever.  It's ok if there are crumbs on the floor, spilt milk on the table and people yelling they want seconds.  You live in abundance while others have nothing.

- Reading the blog of a dear friend who shared a difficult conversation with her child.  There are many women of great faith in this world...draw strength and inspiration from them.

And, yes, tonight as I nursed Luke I thought about how much more I've prayed in the last 11 months.  I thought about how much I love my children and my husband.  How suffering really does bring you closer to Christ.  And how much I am in love with my Creator.

So, the Bible reflection didn't happen, the "set aside a big chunk of time" to pray didn't happen...but I did hear God in so many moments throughout the day.  I suspect we all do.  It's just hard to take the time to actually listen.  Sometimes I feel like "life" just gets in the way.  Today, for some reason, I heard.  Even if tomorrow is equally nutty and I do it on 3 hours of sleep, I hope it's just like today.  I pray I take time to listen in the small moments.

Date Day

I can't even remember the last time I used those two words together.  Yesterday, we dropped kiddos #1-4 off with my parents.  I know they saw a movie and ate a meal at some point.  I'm fairly certain there was some sugar involved in their day.  No matter.  At this point, my parents could've taken them rock climbing and bungee jumping and I'm sure I would've muttered something like, "Oh, honey, that sounds like fun.  I'm glad you had a good time."

Scott, Luke and I (hey, he's actually the easy kiddo this week!) enjoyed a really fabulous day with friends.  First up was a goodbye lunch with our friends and Luke's Godmother, the Tucker's.  They're abandoning us (HA!) and moving 2,000 miles away to Washington state.  So, so, so sad.  But, so, so, so happy for them.  That's another post for later.  I don't have my Kleenex handy.  We lived it up at Matt's El Rancho - yumola - and just hung out.  Loved. It.

Then, we loaded up and headed north to Salado, to enjoy an Italian meal with the group Scott traveled to Italy with last March.  Boy, they are a fun bunch.  During the dinner, Luke got a little cranky, so we headed out to the porch, on the ranch, in the rocking chair and listened to...absolutely nothing.  It was so quiet and peaceful.  That 20-minute bit outside made my afternoon.  I just think it's been so long since I've had that much quiet and solitude - in a non-hospital setting - in a very, very long time.  Thank you God.

Scott and I had a chance to visit, to be honest with one another and to just be as we drove in the car.  It was time much needed and well spent.  And, Master Luke was a total trooper.  Just slept in the carseat, smiled and cooed and was just generally a happy guy.

Tomorrow we head to the hematologist and neurologist for post-op checks and then cardiology is up later in the week.  So, you can expect a Luke update sometime soon.

Here's hoping we can turn a corner on the Luke NOT sleeping a night and get some much needed rest this week.  That, and some doses of good news at all those doctor visits would be a bonus.