Happy Birthday Mamacita!

Because I know she's checks the blog in the early AM, I'm hoping that she's the first to see this...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOM!!!!

I can't believe how good you look for 25!

Well, thankfully, one of our kids didn't steal your birthday (although, Luke came pretty darn close).  ALG said something yesterday that really sums up how much I love you.  I was putting on her tights for dance class and she looks at Clare and says, "Mom is really good at this because Nana taught her how to do everything."

There you have it.  I learned it all from you.  Thanks for so many things.  For being there to listen when I need to rant.  For meeting for impromptu lunches.  For getting my kids addicted to Granny Mary's pancakes, Target popsicles, orange julius' and brussel sprouts.  For buying THE cutest pajamas this side of the Mason-Dixon line.  For knowing how to fix just about anything.  For shopping at the outlet malls with me when no one else wants to go. And on...and on.

Thanks for being my mom.  I hope you have (to quote a good friend) a frabjous day.  Translation:  pretty darn spectacular.

I. LOVE. YOU.

Top Ten: THWARTED!

Rats, just when I thought I'd get up my top ten photos from Cousins' Weekend (back in AUGUST!), I get more client emails for work.  Not complaining.  Not.  Just don't have as much time as I'd hoped.  But, hopefully this pictorial bliss will brighten your day.  It just made me turn the slightest shade of green.

I LOVE THE COWBOYS!  And, I would love my mom even more if I had been in this picture.  Eh, whateryagonnado?  She does have some perks being the "woman in charge" of her organization's annual convention.

Love you Mom.  Love you Emmitt.  You're old school Cowboy, well not Roger Staubach and Tony Dorsett old, but you know.  Jimmy Johnson.  Troy Aikman.  Bill Bates.  Daryl Johnston.  Super bowl wins.  Those Cowboys.

Luke's Big Day

Oh September 18, 2010 was so different than the one in '09.  Similar in some ways, though.  At any rate, we prepped well into the wee hours of the morning getting everything ready.  What can I say, I'm a planner.  My mom is a meeting planner, so if you ever wonder where I got it from, BLAME IT ON HER!!  Love you, Mom.  You always have my back.

I was inspired to do a Superman theme for obvious reasons, but the aqua/red theme was totally a gal in the hood who has great design sense - you must check out her design blog.  Thanks Jayme!

My parents and cousin Mickey got here early on party day to help us with all the little details and then we began the most awesome day with Mass at St. Vincent de Paul.  For a split second I was really worried we'd walk in and see like 10 people, most of whom would be relatives.  It was such a lovely Mass, surrounded by some really amazing people who have supported us in our journey with Luke this past year.  Interestingly (to me I guess), the only tears I shed were during that hour.  To me, that seemed appropriate.  We joked that with all the babies in attendance, and how chatty they were, that Luke's support group came out in full force.

 

Loved.  It.

Fr. Dean, Dominican Sisters and Mrs. Lake - thank you for adding to the beauty of the Mass.  It was just as I had hoped and even more beautiful than I imagined.  For those that joined us in prayer from all over the country, thank you.  Christine, these photos are just beautiful.  Thank you for being so thoughtful.  Daniel, thanks for documenting everything on camera.  Love you, bro.

Then, we partied.  Lots of good fellowship, food (hat tip to the hubby for the ginormous bowl of guacamole that lasted like 10 seconds), hugs, smiles and singing.  At first, Luke was totally keen to the singing.  That quickly turned sour when we placed his smash cake in hands reach.

Um, nothankyouverymuch.  Big tears.  If memory serves me correctly, Anna-Laura did the same thing.  Oh, and if you are loving that cake as much as me (yes, it tasted even better than it looked), then you can see it in all its pre-party glory here.

Shortly after the party, Scott left on a jet plane for San Diego for his once-a-year conference.  No getting out of it, but he was able to delay the departure.  So, the kids and I enjoyed a rare afternoon with Uncle Cory, Aunt Jennifer, nephew Alex and Granny.  That was fun.

Operation Celebrate Superman Luke?  A success!

{Fun Announcement!} Need Christmas Cards?

My freelance graphic design gig typically keeps me busy doing work for various non-profit and for-profit clients.  It's great fun and a lovely outlet for a gal with two agricultural degrees.

I've always loved designing our Christmas cards every year.  I searched and searched for ones that allowed me to do more than add photos.  During the year, we love to pull out our cards and pray for folks, it's especially great when they share a bit of their year with us.  It allows our children to see why we call them friends.

Designing my own cards is the one time I get to do what I want, with no limitations.  Sweet!  Scott's been bugging me for a couple of years to "go public" with that idea.  I had full intentions of doing it last fall.  And we all know how that brilliant plan went.

So (deep breath), here goes.  If you're interested in me doing your cards, checking that "to-do" off your list and enjoying the holiday season, give me a holler.  You can email me at:  kathryn_whitaker{at}hotmail{dot}com for pricing.

Here's how it works.

1.  You choose from one of the eight designs (shown below).  Those dotted lines are just to illustrate the fold.  Each design has a traditional 5x7 card option, as well as a tri-folded 8.5x11 option and includes the mailing envelope.  The card is printed on a heavy stock (100# gloss cover) and the letter on 100# gloss book.  In layman speak, good quality stock :)  Envelopes are white.

2.  Send me your high-res photos and a photographer's release for copyright (if they were professionally shot), along with your text.  Don't worry, I'll give you a word count so you know how chatty you can be.

3.  I place all that into the design, then send you a final proof.

4.  You approve the proof and I send it off for printing and either a) hand deliver it if you're local or b) have it shipped to you directly from the printer.

5.  You can also choose to send your mailing list to the printer and they'll mail them for you, for an additional fee.

Deadline for sending me your data is November 19.  Your cards are guaranteed for delivery by December 3.

Option 1 - Letter

  

Option 1 - 5x7 Card

 Option 2 - 5x7 Card

 Option 2 - Letter

Option 3 - 5x7 Card

 Option 3 - Letter

Option 4 - 5x7 Card

Option 4 - Letter



QOTW: September 24, 2010 & Fun Announcement!!

It's not that the kids didn't say anything funny, I was just moving too fast to write it down.  That is, until tonight.  Scott and the older two boys headed to a flag football game, while the girls, Luke and I held down the fort here.  We decided to have some quesadillas for dinner (punting as I didn't have a thing thawed out for dinner).  Randomly, I start singing, "Quesadillas, quesadillas!" and Clare starts dancing, of course.

Because really, when someone starts singing in Spanish, one must dance.  No?

Then, just busts out with this gem, "Dance with Jesus, Dance with Jesus."  I nearly cried I was laughing so hard.  Oh Clare Bear, stay this funny forever please.

We have a pretty low-key weekend.  We'll be enjoying some Dad time.  If you wondered where the heck I was this week, I was flying S-O-L-O because the hubster was at a conference in San Diego.  That is hard work.  I'm thankful to have him back.  And...I have a really fun announcement to make on Monday.  It's been brewing in my head for quite some time, but this weekend, I get to make it a reality and share it with you on Monday.  Hooray!

And, in picture news.  They're coming.  Next week.  Promise, promise.

Make it a great weekend!

Top Ten: Feelings

This post is really for my memory more than anything.  At weird times this week, I find myself wondering what I was doing this time last year.  It's very surreal.  Thank goodness the kids pull me back to reality.  At any rate, I wanted to jot down the ten feelings I've had this past week, in no particular order.

TOP TEN:  WHAT IT FEELS LIKE TO BE ME THIS PAST WEEK

1.  Elation

2.  Relief

3.  Thankfulness

4.  Sadness

5.  Guilt

6.  Peace

7.  Exhaustion

8.  Happiness

9.  Frustration

10.  Hopeful

I think that pretty much sums it up :)

*love*

This letter may just melt your heart.  It's always good to have affirmation that you're doing something right.  That, and he definitely takes after his father.  In the hashtag world of twitter, #proudmama.

Guest Blogger

Today you can get your Kathryn fix over at Catholic Mothers Online, where I'm today's guest blogger.  Enjoy!

HAPPY 1ST BIRTHDAY LUKE!!

So  many things to say, so many things to celebrate.  Our little man hit a big milestone today.  Luke, happy birthday buddy.  You made me the happiest mom on the planet today.  For reals.

Couldn't y'all hear us singing?!?

Thanks Christine for the great photo!

I'll have more photos and a longer post up sometime this weekend.

QOTW: September 17, 2010

"I gave her an eye message."
Anna-Laura.  No idea what that means.  I tried getting it out of her for ten minutes.  Exasperated, I finally gave HER an eye message.

JP:  Mom, I told you I didn't want a cheese sandwich for lunch, I want PB&J.
ME:  Take it up with Dad, he's been on lunch duty this week.
JP:  It's gross.  I didn't even eat it.
ME:  Well, then, perhaps you should do what Dad says.  If you don't like your lunch, make your own.
WILL (interjected his two cents):  I learned my lesson.  I just eat what Dad gives me.

"I think you guys are good.  I don't need to see you anymore."
Our marriage therapist.  Did she just break up with us?  Ouch.

Hmm....this weekend.  What to do, what to do.  We've got flag football and I guess we'll SING HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MAYBE??  Light up the fireworks folks, you'll be able to hear us singing for miles come Saturday.  Sweet baby Luke turns ONE and we have some fine festivities in the works.  I will do my best to get photos up over the weekend.  And, I have a surprise come Monday.  It's worth checking in.  Make it a great weekend!

Luke - Part Four: The Journey

There are so many life lessons we've learned along the way.  So. Many.  And, there are many beautiful (and occasionally funny) memories from the last year+.

We had a friend watch our children one evening while we trekked up to the NICU for the evening.  Upon our return at 10:45, she exclaimed, "I better let you update the blog, my husband always checks it at 11!"  That made me smile.  There were some nights that I just wanted to crash into bed, but I drug my sorry hiney to the computer.  Looking back, I'm so thankful I did.  There is so much I would've lost if I hadn't written down my thoughts in that moment, as it was.  I often thought, as I typed, "Is this really my life?"  I mean, none of us wakes up and says, "Yo, God, make me THAT family."  But, he knocked and we answered the door.

I hated the mom guilt.  It was brutal.  The kids at home didn't want us to leave, while leaving Luke at the hospital ripped my heart out, night after night.  There was one particular moment of leaving Luke that is forever burned in my memory.  The first 14 days, I was fortunate enough to reside at the hospital. First, I was a patient at Seton, then they let me "nest" (stay in the antepartem unit without charging us for it) where I was until Luke was transported to Dell.  At Dell, they let us stay in one of their "bonding rooms" (a room used for all sorts of reasons) until Luke was extubated (on room air) after his emergency surgery.  I asked my brother to come pick me up that Saturday afternoon. He and my sister-in-law had just finished their birthing class and they were so excited when they arrived at Dell.  That was hard.  To go from seeing your son hooked up to every monitor possible, leaving him in the hands of nurses I barely knew to hitting the "exit" button and hopping in a car with normalcy.  That constant fluctuation between "hospital" and "the rest of the world" was most definitely our most difficult (daily) transition.  There were days I totally felt like a double agent.  NICU Resident by Day/Night and Mom everywhere else.  It sucked.  (that would be honest Kathryn typing)

I think what Luke has done - aside from increasing my prayer life - most is altering my perspective.  On everything.

When I see a mom at a grocery store yelling at her kids a little too loudly, the former me would've thought, "Sheez, lady.  Get a grip."  Now I wonder if there's a reason.  Does she have a baby in the hospital?  Was she up all night with a sick child?  Did her husband just lose his job?

When people stare at us, because of Luke's helmet, I've gotten a tiny glimpse of what it's like to have a special needs child with hardware.  I have no doubt there are plenty of SN children out there who don't have an apparatus to fend off comments.  What about the mom whose child is ADD or has Asperger's Syndrome?  Do we stare at her in Mass because her son is not behaving?  Are we quick to judge her parenting skills?  (raise those hands folks, mine's up there, too)

I've also wanted to slap some people upside the head.  True story.  A few weeks ago we were eating out and a lady commented (shocker) about Luke's helmet.  We get the, "Oh my cousin's best friend's brother's cousin's, stepson wore one of those" all the time.  It's sweet.  I know people are just trying to make us feel comfortable.  I'm cool with the helmet, but I'm thankful other folks want to be cool with it too.  Anyhoodle, back to the story.  So, she keeps talking and talking and talking.  I'm starting to tune her out until she busts out with, "You know, if we'd just put babies to sleep on their bellies we wouldn't have a need for helmets.  I mean, I'm sure SIDS is bad, but look at the other problem we've created."

SCREECH.   Holy Moses, did she just say what I think I heard?  That's the other thing I've learned.  Sometimes it's worth having the discussion with folks and sometimes it's best to just walk away.

I have been humbled so many times it's not even funny.  I've walked into waiting rooms into just about every specialist's office at Dell and I've been reminded that it really is NOT all about us.  Some of those moms carry some ginormous crosses.  If you've been reading for a while, you know my take on crosses.

I have learned to love on a deeper level.  There's something about having to be at peace with giving your son to a surgeon and not knowing if you'll get him back that makes one love til it hurts.

Yesterday, I was shuttling kids to doctor's visits and errands and dance and home and dance and home...and I looked in the rearview mirror and caught a glimpse of Luke.  He was blowing raspberries, kicking his feet and banging a toy on the side of the carseat.  Smiling bigger than Dallas.  It reminded me of what a NICU nurse told me nearly a year ago.  She told me a day would come when we would look up and wonder when normal slipped in the door.  I got a tiny taste yesterday.

I'll leave you with this memory.  I hesitated to share it, because it was a Luke and Mom moment.  But here goes...

Just before Luke's bowel surgery in January - the one that took us completely by surprise - we were all alone in his room, waiting on transport.  He was in the mood to snuggle and his little head was resting on my shoulder.  I could hear the baby breaths, feel his little fingernails scratching my neck and he was starting to fall asleep.  I turned on my iPod and we listened to Brandon Heath's "Love Never Fails."  And we danced.

Love does not run.
Love does not hide.
Love does not keep locked inside.
Love is right here.
Love is alive.
Love is the way, the truth, the life.
Love will sustain.
Love will provide.
Love will not cease at the end of time.
Love will protect.
Love always hopes.
Love still believes when you don't.
Love is the arms that are holding you.
Love never fails you.

In that moment I knew that I had loved Luke as completely as one can love another human being.  There wasn't a wasted moment on him.  Every minute, every hour, every day - he had gotten all of me.  All of my love.

Thank you, God, for giving our family a gift.  A tangible, breathing, pretty darn cute gift.  The trials were many.  The road is still uncertain.  The fear is there.  The hope remains.  The joy is inevitable.

Thank you for giving us so many opportunities to teach people about your love.  YOU are an awesome God.

Top Ten: National NICU Nurses' Day!

Not making that up.  Promise.  Today is in fact National Neonatal Nurses Day.

Strike up the band, plug in the margarita machine and raise an ID badge to these AMAZING people.  There are many things I want to forget about our NICU stay, but our nurses are some of the few things I will always remember.  Here is this week's...

TOP TEN:  UNFORGETTABLE MOMENTS WITH OUR NURSES

1.  When Beth and Luke made the best birthday card ever for Scott.  Beth is also the same one who, when I told her I shouldn't be crying because the news could be worse said, "Well, it could also be a helluva lot better, too."

2.  When Patty, our Nurse Practioner at Seton Main, gave us a hug as Luke was being transported to Dell.  That was the best, most understanding, hug I have ever gotten.

3.  When Gunther, Luke's night nurse, told me to sit at Luke's beside for as long as I wanted and love on him.  And, the next day when Bob squeezed my shoulder when Luke was diagnosed with NEC.

4.  When we met Nicole for the first time upon arriving at Dell and she took charge, making us feel like Luke was in the best hands in the whole world.  Indeed he was.

5.  When Lisa announced that Luke's cords and IV spaghetti were a mess and then promptly color-coded and labeled everything.  Oh yes, she and I were buddies.  It could also be that she's an Aggie.

6.  When I asked Leah, Luke's first day nurse at Dell, to be with him during his emergency surgery.  I desperately needed someone whom I trusted in that room.  If I couldn't be in there, she was the next best thing.  I have no idea if she even wanted to go into that surgery, but she did it so willingly and that gave my heart peace.

7.  When I called one afternoon really, really missing Luke and Janet answered the phone.  She was holding and loving on Luke.  I hung up that phone and cried my eyes out.  Our oldest boys had gone to school together and she was our one connection with the outside world that understood our hospital NICU world.  Luke was in the perfect hands that day.

8.  When Kristy, his primary nurse, showed up on the floor after Luke's bowel reconnection surgery, to start his IV because PICC had gone home.

9.  When I told Dillon that Luke was being discharged and she said, "I'm so happy I could cry."  And then she did.

10.  When Thuy gave us our walking papers and told us to get Luke dressed to go HOME.

11.  When I called every single morning at 3am while I was up pumping and spoke to Luke's night nurse, asking for his status report.  They were always positive.  I'm not sure how many shenanigans he pulled while they were on duty, but I guess that's their little secret.

12.  The many compelling, touching and honest conversations we had with each one of our nurses.  Each one.  I can honestly say that we only had one nurse that we didn't love.  I think that's pretty phenomenal.

Back off, I know I put 12.  Sue me.

If any of Luke's nurses are reading this, I want you to know that what you do changes lives.  Well, it changed mine.  Every baby that comes through your doors needs you.  You're the ones at the bedside with us moms who are emotional wrecks.  You're the ones who love all over our babies when we can't be there.  You are calm and rational.  You stand up for us.  Give us advice, yet know when to zip it.

You're also responsible for Luke's really horrible sleeping schedule.  Allowing him to round at 11pm and chart with you at 3am, lulling him to sleep?  I know your tricks.

This "tree" became very symbolic during Luke's NICU stay.  We asked each nurse, clinical assistant, tech, resident and doctor who worked on Luke to add their "leaf."  It is a daily reminder of some very special people.

You. Rock.  And, a surprise is headed your way later today!

Luke - Part Three: The Joy

There was a day - a few in fact - when I wondered if we would ever feel joy again.  Folks, there were some dark days.  Really dark.  People have commented about our strength, but the blog affords me to only tell you what I want.  Some of what we experienced we hold in our hearts and that's where it will stay.  While the blog has been, and is, more therapeutic than I ever imagined, some things are best shared with your marriage therapist and your husband.  Right, Scott?  What I know, though, is that when we tasted joy, it was so sweet.

The moment we found out I was pregnant with Luke - pure joy.

The words uttered by my amazing OB during delivery, "It's a BOY!" - pure joy.

Hearing evidence that Luke's lungs worked, quite well, I might add - pure joy.

When he latched on for the first time at just four days old and nursed for a whole seven minutes - pure joy.

When I was able to hold him for the first time after his surgery - all five of them - pure joy.

When we arrived home on the Eve of All Saints Day (Halloween to the rest of the world) - PURE JOY.

When we took our first family picture...in our backyard...with Luke safely tucked in my arms - pure joy.  Can't you see how big those smiles are?

Seeing him held by his wonderful Godparents - pure joy.

Watching his siblings love all over him - pure joy.

The night he first slept through the night - hallelujah JOY!

The joy hasn't come easy, though.  We still have moments of fear, of hope and ultimately, of joy.  Scott has commented on more than one occasion that he's seen me shed more tears in the last 18 months than in our entire 14 years of marriage.  It's as if our souls and our faith have been stretched to the limit.  Muscles pulled.  Bones nearly broken.  The wind knocked out of us so many times.

After having four healthy babies, all of whom have developed normally, gained weight steadily and aside from the show-stopping tantrums, never given me much cause for worry, the journey with Luke has made me appreciate just where to find joy.  What Scott and I used to see as mundane or briefly acknowledged, with Luke we nod and share the joy.  We know what could've been - what almost was.  Yet, here we are just three short days away from his first birthday and I am in awe.

The joy that Luke has brought to our family, to our marriage and to me as a mother is quite indescribable.  That kid is totally destined to be a momma's boy.

Tomorrow...the journey.  Later today...your top ten!