QOTW: July 8, 2011

This Friday, you actually get the story of the week, peppered with quotes (as noted by the fancy-shmancy italics).  This is a doozie and totally sums up life with five kids.  Enjoy.

Last Friday afternoon, just before naptime, the kids were playing hide-n-go seek.  All fine and dandy until someone gets hurt, right?  I call them out of my bedroom and I hear a WHACK, then a THUD, see John Paul walk out of my room sheepishly and hear a WAAAA from Clare.  She walks out holding her arm.

Mom-radar kicked in and I immediately knew the following things to be true:

1.  John Paul had hurt his sister.

2.  Possibly on purpose.

3.  Clare had nursemaid's elbow.

4.  The ER visit would cost us around $400 smackeroos (hopsital room, ER doc, x-ray + a valium for me).

5.  I was completely peeved.

John Paul got sent to timeout while I muttered something like, "Your piggy bank better have $400 bucks, mister."

I took Clare upstairs to her room and tried to bend her arm.

"MOMMY THAT HURTS!" she wailed.

"D****T," I tried to say quietly.

Will softly whispers, "I heard that, Mom."

Proof that I did not.

Before I call Scott, I decide to text my college roommate whose husband is an ER doc.  Todd knows us well.  This would be, after all, our THIRTEENTH visit to the ER.  Can I just say that is wrong on so, so, SO many levels?  While I'm waiting to hear back, I call Scott and say, "Well, are you ready to start off the weekend with a bang?"

In the meantime, Clare is continuing to cry, I get Luke down for a nap, John Paul is in timeout and Will and Anna-Laura are doing their best to keep C calm.

I hang up the phone and hear the familiar 'ding' on my phone.  Incoming text says Todd is not at work, but I can call him on his cell.  I call, get the voicemail, leave a slightly exhasperated message and hope that he calls back soon.

Clare is still crying, Luke is (thankfully) still sleeping, John Paul is still sitting in timeout, W and ALG are still doing a great job and I'm still muttering under my breath.

The phone rings and it's Dr. Todd on the other end of the line.  We chat briefly about how it all went down and then I ask, "So, should I take her to the ER or could we swing by the Urgent Care place across the street?"

"Well, do you want to fix it yourself?" he says.

Hallelujah, baby.  "YES!" I reply, perhaps a bit too enthusiasticly?

I put Dr. T on speakerphone and less than a minute later the crying has ceased and the elbow is fixed.

I practically scream in the phone, "Holy smokes, Todd.  You. Are. So. Awesome."

Then I text his wife:  "Todd is awesome.  Walked me thru it on the phone.  All better.  Tell him he has a six pack of beer with his name ALL over it."

Oh, yeah.  Momma has skillz.

As I'm walking down the stairs, I hear a tiny little voice say, "So, Mom.  Can I get out of timeout now?"

He's still sitting there.

And that, my sweet readers, is your SOTW!

The ER...Really?!?

Yes, really.  Sometimes, instead of crying in that dark corner in the hospital, I find myself laughing hysterically.  I mean, really.  What kind of family does this happen to??  Evidently ours.

I'm starting to think that when I told God I wanted an exciting, fun-filled life, he thought this would be a funny way to fulfill my life plan.  That, and I think it goes with the territory of having a big family.

How did it all happen...buckle your seatbelts and hang on for the ride.

At 8:15 this morning, we loaded up the troops (me in my pajamas, mind you) and took Scott to the airport for a business trip.  We returned home around 9:30 and I put Luke down for a nap while the other four watched a little Dora the Explorer.  Luke decided to NOT take a nap and scream and I contemplated getting him up and calling it a wrap or jumping in the shower.  I chose door #2.  Got the super quick shower and makeup done and was just walking out of the bedroom when I heard ALG let out a blood curdling scream.

Dang it.

My mom instinct knew it was a doozie.  I was getting ready to send one to timeout, one to my bedroom to shake off the tears and then head upstairs to console Luke and see if I could get him back to sleep.  I tried to get the "story" from John Paul. Seems as if ALG was jumping from one couch to the other and JP thought it would be cool to give her a gentle shove with his feet and thus we have back of the head vs. coffee table.  Table won.  I thought I'd just breeze in to the bathroom, give ALG the once over, send John Paul to timeout and head upstairs.  That is, until I saw that the back of her shirt was soaking wet and a blood spot on the floor (hey, at least it was on the icky carpet in the bathroom).  "****" I muttered under my breath.  I checked out her head knowing that head lacerations typically bleed a lot but they may not be ER worthy.  Except this one was.  A good one-inch gash on the back of the head.

I walked into the living room and told the kids to get their shoes on because we were going to the ER.  While I was rounding everyone up, Will immediately bolted into action, marched upstairs, got Luke out of his crib, brought him downstairs and put him in the carseat.  All without being asked.

That kid is amazing. 

With a rag on the back of her head to slow the bleeding and five kids buckled in the van, off we went to the ER.  Hi-ho, hi-ho...

We pulled in the parking lot and I was super relieved to see tons of empty spots.  The waiting room was deserted.  Even if God does have a sense of humor, at least he was compassionate.  They called us right back and spun into action.  4 trips to the bathroom, 35 games of "I Spy," 1 near fall off the patient bed, lots of laughter, 1 quick hug from mom for the brave girl, 2 compliments from the staff about the good kiddo behavior (seriously?!) and 3 staples later we walked out of the ER and headed to Sonic for the obligatory "ER trip" ice cream blast.

What a morning.  Not usually how I like to spend my Sunday mornings.  Silly me thought we might actually make the 11:30AM Mass.  Notsomuch.

In the midst of all that, Scott arrived in Kansas City and turned on his phone to see a text from me giving him the stats on the ER visit.  Poor thing.  We do this to him everytime he gets on a plane.  Sorry sweetheart.

Cheers for our 12th ER visit.  That's just nuts.

Well hello crazy, welcome back!

It's all fun and games until somebody gets stitches.

Yes, during the family outing to Mel's (which is a super fun bowling alley, by the way), we only made it through a bowling game before crazy waltzed right back into the family.

Something about two brothers, racing to put up bowling balls, smacking into each other and John Paul's chin hit the bowling ball. Smack. Yowza, that's a lot of blood. Scott was right behind them and saw it happen in slo mo - been there, done that. Amazingly, as soon as I saw the blood, I shifted into calm Mom mode - for you non-parentals, it's a gift God bestows upon you during delivery. Don't ask, just be thankful. The sweet manager offered bandaids, but one look at that gash and I knew we were destined for the ER. Shoot, I left the "10th visit free punchcard" at home.

As an aside, I could totally picture the guardian angel dispatcher having this conversation:

Dispatcher: "Um, we're going to need double coverage on John Paul, in 3, 2, 1..."

Guardian Angel: "Code Red, Code Red, I need backup NOW!"

Hey, at least there were no smashed fingers, no broken teeth and no other siblings caught in the crossfire. We feel pretty fortunate that he escaped with just a busted chin.

Scott dropped John Paul and I off at the ER, then took the other three home to feed, bathe and put to bed (or as we often say, "wash 'em, dry 'em and put 'em up"). He was so incredibly brave and his usually chatty self once the bleeding subsided and the nurse brought a Spiderman coloring book. The doc confirmed my suspicions...stitches it was. Five, actually.

Aunt Amanda escorted us home and even stopped by Sonic for some ice cream for the injured passenger. John Paul is doing magnificently and doesn't have much pain. He's convinced the Spiderman influence is keeping the pain at bay. Hey, whatever works. We go back in on Wednesday to have them remove the stitches. So, until then, no water, no running and no rough housing. Yeah, that should be easy.

At least we were smart enough to take the family photo before said accident. However, I was not smart enough to sit on the other end so I don't look ginormous... We're off (to where, I don't know) to enjoy the rest of Scott's vacation with, and without, kids over the next few days. Plus, we have a pretty monumental anniversary coming up on Monday - lucky #13. I've got puh-lenty of QOTW fo keep you company tomorrow. Make it a great weekend...hopefully you'll have better luck than us last night!